September 17, 2013
When it comes to #156 PLL we may not have any idea what the fuck is going on, but like a horrific car crash or our college frenemy getting fat via Facebook pics, we can't help but watch anyway. Sure, this may be a totally rando time to rank the hotness of the bros of our favorite show for tweens but we sort of miss having PLL in our lives and since we've already looked at all of Ashley Benson's instagram pics we're filling this Tuesday's void with a definitive ranking of the guys of Pretty Little Liars. Now keep in mind that this list is how we feel currently because like when the show started Ezra would have totes been number one and yet now hes like a giant pussy, but also maybe A. Idk, it's like whatever.
Pastor Ted is one of the few non-fugly adults on this show. Now we're not saying he's hot but I definitely wouldn't mind my husband looking like him when he got old. And hey, he somehow came up with enough cash to bail his girlfriend out of jail for that time she was accused of murdering her ex boyfriend so like, he's obvi a stand up guy and shit.
Now we know Bruce isn't technically a guy but she sure as fuck cries less than Toby. When she's not sporting a tuxedo or pretending her high school hoe down is a lesbian bar, Bruce can be seen trying to turn Stanford dorms into fantasy suites and badgering Emily to make a commitment.
The only thing fuglier than Toby is his forehead. Seriously that shit is bigger than Hefty Hanna's ass, no wonder he tries to cover it up with bangs. I've actually never seen a show have to objectify a GUY's body so much in an effort to distract from his alien face and creepy side bangs. No joke, he actually has the same haircut that Katie Holmes sported post divorce. Oh, and the time he wore that du rag.
Caleb has that whole hot ethnic look going for him but honestly, his wardrobe is too Pocahontas meets shady poor biker dude for me to take him seriously. I mean I get that he has to use Hanna's house to shower and shit but if you're using your girlfriend for her abundance of running water why does your hair look like Alison was still alive the last time you washed it?
Remember that time Wren appeared on the show and everyone was like OMG he's so hot? Well apparently a British accent can only be charming for so long because eventually you get used to it and a once attractive man slowly transforms into a awkwardly skinny boyish looking stalker doctor. This specific situation happens all the time. Just another notch on the slutty Hasting sisters' belts.
While Ezra might've had some pretentious English teacher charm in earlier seasons, now his pedophile ways are just plain annoying as fuck. Like, stop showing up to all school functions and stalking your high school girlfriend and her teenage friends. You're 25 man, get a life.
Wes may be the gossip queen of the Fitzgerald family, spilling secrets left and right but in my opinion he's the hotter and more age appropriate choice for Aria. Where the fuck he goes to school or why they had him awkwardly kiss Aria then leave the show indefinitely are both compelling questions that I hadn't thought about until right now.
Now normally it's a deal breaker for me when a guy's after school job is teaching karate (or like, if a guy is poor enough to actually have an after school job) but for Jake I'd make an exception.
In my opinion, Noel is the hottest character on PLL but that's largely based on the fact that I'm not one for blondes. Since we polled a large(ish) group to make this list, sadly this white party boy with an Asian name only got the silver medal for hotness. But seriously, who wouldn't want to date this beautiful douchebag?
When he's not creepily peering through his window or weeding his lawn shirtless Jason DiLaurentis is um…not really doing much else. He used to be a stoner, in the
Pen15 N.A.T. club, and actually an entirely different human being (the old actor who played Jason looks just like the new one!), but no one ever really paid attention to his plot lines because a) he never had any and b) he was never wearing any clothes and so he could have been speaking Mandarin, given up who "A" was, or sang his own rendition of "Look at Me, I'm Jason Dee" at one point and no one would have fucking noticed.