September 18, 2014
September 18th, 2004 - a day that will live in betchistory infamy. On this day, 10 years ago, Britney Spears and Kevin Federline were married in an unholy union. Britney was still in her prime and coming off her "In the Zone" album and tour high. K-Fed, a shitty back up dancer and baby daddy to some C-list actress, swept her off her feet - even after 10 years I still don't understand how. The dynamic duo had their own reality show Britney and Kevin: Chaotic. I personally would've named it "Personal Destruction: A Mini Series" but unfortunately I was busy with middle school. The marriage was fairly mediocre, which in Britney's life is a major success, and they had two sons together. It still blows my mind that these two combined their terrifying genetic pools to procreate.
Britt and Kev divorced in 2007 and began Britney's downward spiral disaster as she lost custody of her children (you know it's bad when Kevin Federline is the more responsible adult), was in and out of rehab, and shaved her head. If you don't remember the bald Britney Spear's umbrella attack then you are not truly living. Most importantly: the rock bottom VMAs performance of "Gimme More". Can you say step-ball change?? That being said, Britney has owned the past 5 years. She pulled herself up by the straps of her straight jacket and now has her own Las Vegas residency. Three albums (Circus, Femme Fatale, and Britney Jean), a stint on The X Factor, and an MTV Video Vanguard award later and the betch is back.
What a difference 10 years makes. Cheers to the marriage that gave us a phenomenal decade of pop culture references and made us think twice about ever getting married.