September 6, 2011
So in recent and quite important news, there were serious protesting going on in Libya. Jk! No, but seriously, last weekend Kim Kardashian got married.
Back in the days of The Kardashians season 1, when everyone didn't understand how Khloe was a relative, let alone a sister, no one would have ever imagined that Kim would be the last one wifey'ed up. (Whatevs, Kourtney's kid with Scott counts). But Kim's day has not only come, but she wed like a true fucking betch.
How many people can say, I'm famous for a sex tape I made, married an NBA pro, and made about $18 million for my wedding. Casual. Betches love this wedding because it heightens the notion that if your ass is big enough, the whole world will rearrange their entire schedule to watch you get married to a guy you will likely divorce within the year.
So here's the scoop.
Wedding was at a private estate in Cali. They had quite the celeb list at their wedding. But shocking news: Justin didn't go! Does he really think he can snub the uber famous Kardashians just because he has real talent and doesn't watch reality TV? He had to go watch his cougar girlfriend perform for the hundredth time. Sounds like the boy is whipped but whatever, you can't go? You can't go.
Wolfgang Puck prepared the food, Kim made a cute little speech in honor of her dad, her dress was Vera, and her reception dress was Vera in black (perhaps in honor of her ex-BF Reggie who's really the reason this whole getting paid millions of dollars to get married thing was possible), blah blah blah.
What we're really fucking interested is the fact that this betch made bank from her own wedding. People mag paid 2 mill for pics of the bridal shower and wedding in addition to her $300,000 engagement announcement, Tao paid her for a bachelorette party, and E! apparently paid the couple about $15 million for a two-part special on their wedding. I mean, we're def trying to watch that but like $15 million, really? E! should use their money on more important causes like hiring a hit man to kill Ryan Seacrest or E! True Hollywood Story: The Betches.
Also, if you're going to spend $2 million dollars on a 20-karat ring, give us something we want to look at and not some like big square diamond that's just as interesting as my dog's facebook status. Someone pulled a Ben F. move on this one.
Finally, we're one hundred percent certain that when she met her hubby, these are the thoughts went through her head: Okay he looks a bit like E.T. but OMG his name is Kris with a K. It's totallyyy fate! Can't wait to call out my mom's name when I #8 fuck him."
Oh, and cool wax statue.