September 6, 2011
Frankly, this post should be titled "Anne Hathaway Gets Annoying." That's all we're really going to talk about, so don't worry if you didn't see the movie (which, we realized after seeing it that it's likely no one else has, but whatevs).
Before we get into the movie itself, which was a sideshow to how much we love laughing at Anne Hathaway during moments intended to be serious, let's talk about why no casting director should ever consider anyone except Kiera Knightley or Sienna Miller to play a proper British woman. If her Oscar debacle taught us anything, it's that Anne Hathaway belongs on Broadway. She's simply too annoying to be a screen actress any longer. She turned a film that was hoping to be The Notebook into this year's Dear John. Kind of a joke.
Also, she should never have bangs. Didn't anyone learn fucking anything from The Princess Diaries? AND The Devil Wears Prada?!
Anne Hathaway's character: was one of the most quintissential nice girls we've ever seen. Where do we begin? She looked like Mary Poppins riding a bicycle wearing Harry Potter glasses.
She managed to sport all of the following looks in one film:
- a one-piece Speedo(multiple times)- a pixie haircut- disgusting man boots- a graduation gown - she was even wearing the Doctorate robe! - a Mexican restaurant uniform- a geisha dress to a wedding. So early millennium chic. Not.
She played Tracey Chapman during a sexual encounter. She writes poems about how much she likes the guy. She uses one of those phone booths in England to make calls. We thought those were only for taking pictures while #3 abroad.
Needless to say, we don't know what the fuck was going on with her accent. What the fuck country is she from? Sounds like the phase-out accent that Ross attempted in that episode of Friends. Monica Gellarrrrrr!
Drinking Game: Take a shot every time Anne Hathaway cries in front of a guy. All of the sudden it's been 45 minutes and you're drunk.
Because we were stoned we don't remember: Anne Hathaway's character's name. But we do remember the guy's name. It was Dexter, known as Dex. Ok Dex. We only know his name because she kept calling it out while having massive confrontations with him and screaming that she missed him. #losing
Not to repeat ourselves, but: this movie further proves our theory on #50 guy friends and shows us that the only way a guy can really be your friend is if he has no desire to fuck you. Because you're weird. Like Anne Hathaway.
By the end: Anne Hathaway went the way of Regina George. She proves that everyone, no matter how disgusting your wardrobe or large the gap in your front teeth, has a little bit of betch in them, clawing to come out. It may have taken her like, more than a decade to finally #32 win, which is not very impressive, but whatever it happens.
The only quotable line from this movie is: "everyone loves you in a love to hate kind of way." We get it.
Honestly: This movie felt like it took One whole fucking Day. It took us year by year through a 15 year era of awkward sexual tension. Time does not fly when you're not having fun.