22 Jump Street: Betches Love This Movie

By The Betches


Though we’re a little late to the game, this week we saw 22 Jump Street, 21 Jump Street’s hotter funnier older brother. Seriously, since most sequels usually suck this one deserves some serious props for not repeating every single joke they had last time and actually making fun of stuff in a funnier way than their baseline.

The new plotline is basically exactly the same as the old plotline only this time Jonah and Channing go to college instead of high school. Channing Tatum becomes a football star who easily gets into the frat of his choice after getting into a seriously homoerotic yet funny bromance with frat bro Zook (because what frat bros don’t go by a similarly moronic nickname like Zook?). Jonah shockingly doesn’t get in because he’s a fatty who’d rather chill with the art freaks than remove beer caps with his eyelids. The movie does a great job at showing guy rush and pledging without making it seem over the top ridiculously objectively fucking stupid. Meanwhile Jonah Hill fucks the Captain’s daughter and he and Channing have an epic breakup over the fact that he’s way cooler in college than him. This leads to more comic relief as Jonah blows out his 30th bday candles alone and watches a shit ton of Friends

Let’s talk about Jillian Bell who plays Mercedes, the actual drug dealer behind the new illicit teen drug ‘Whyphy” which kind of seems like a fusion of Adderall and Molly and yes, I would like to know where to get some.  She is in effect the betchiest part of the movie since she’s a bitch. It’s like imagine some girl in your sorority ran a huge drug cartel and the comedy that would ensue. My favorite part of the movie is when she yells at her roommate for borrowing her bikini while holding a gun to someone’s head. “OMG you totally just got shot lol.”  Despite the fact that she herself is thirty, Mercedes steals all her scenes with epic jokes about the fact that Jonah and Channing are like 100. She also has an amazing fist fight with Shmidt during spring break in what looks like Puerto Vallarta. God, I miss college. 

My only issue with this movie were the excessive amounts of car chase and fight scenes which could’ve been cut in half. But hey, I’m a girl and that shit is definitely targeted towards the bros. Also, the ending stream of unrestrained 22 Jump Street sequels was hysterical. Overall though, well done 22 Jump Street. You managed to make me see a sequel with legit commentary on how college actually is that was also funny as fuck.

Here are just a few of the extremely quotable movie lines.

Jenko: What? Co-ed bathrooms!
Schmidt: Fuck! I'm not gonna take a shit the entire time we're here.

Schmidt: He's black! He's been through a lot!

Schmidt: [about Jenko] He has one class in Human Sexuality, and now he's Harvey Milk.

Zook: Are we wearing the same puka shell necklace?
Jenko: Dude, same pukas

Schmidt: I wanna sit in bed and watch Friends all day.

Jenko: I thought we had Cate Blanchett with the budget.




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