October 10, 2013
Dear Head Pro,
My friend has been secretly hooking up with an older guy for about a year now and recently she decided if I came with her one time to meet his friend. So a few days ago we both went to his house and ended up staying the night. His friend is hot and I like him, definitely a bro. After drinking we hooked up like all night and did just about everything other than sex (cause I'm a virgin). Both me and my friend are 17 and the guys are both 25. So is this wrong/unbetchy what I did/how far I went? Also what’s your opinion on the whole thing? Should I see him again?
Into older guys
Dear Into Older Guys,
This issue is obviously super fucking important to you, since you emailed me twice within the span of a week with the exact same question. Since we’re dealing with a potential statutory rape situation here, the first thing I did was to break my own rule and do some Facebook sleuthing. Based on my findings, you do not appear to live in a state where the age of consent is 18, so that’s a good thing, I guess. No one’s going to jail, at least not for any sex that might eventually happen. Nevermind the whole “men who are closer to 30 than 20 buying children alcohol” thing.
Anyway, there are two possibilities regarding these guys’ interest in you and your friend, and both of them suck. One is that despite being 25 and therefore “cool” to you, to the rest of us they’re actually gigantic fucking losers and need the approval and attention of minors to validate their existence. The other option is that they’re “normal” guys and just keep you around because you deify them and they figure you’ll be easy to bang. And really, that second possibility is much, much worse. I don’t care if you’re technically of legal age. It’s “technically legal” for me to have sex with citrus fruits, but that doesn’t mean I do it, at least not anymore. I got tired of drinking around idiot teenagers well before I graduated college. If you’re a 25 year old adult and your idea of a good time is getting fucked up with and macking on some high school kids, you have a fucking screw loose. My bros and I will joke about that shit all the time, like “Dude, the age of consent in XXX state is only 16! I know what we’re doing this weekend…” But would we? Christ, no. It would just be so, so dirty, and not even in a cool way.
So my opinion on the “whole thing” is that the “whole thing” is fucked, and no you probably shouldn’t continue with this. Not because it’s “unbetchy,” or whatever. It’s just that there’s no scenario in which this ends well for you.
Dear Head Pro,
I'm in a long distance and open relationship with an amazing guy. We dated in high school, and now we go to colleges about 2 hours away from each other, so we see each other every week or every few weeks, and we talk to each other every few days. We have an open relationship because of the distance. I know that he hooks up with other girls, but I'm just so in love with him, I can't bring myself to hookup with other guys. Should I just break up with him and move on? Does his need to have sex with other girls mean he doesn't love me as much as I love him?? He's a really great guy. I mean… I can picture myself marrying him someday.
Is this real? This can’t be real. You are not in an “open relationship,” you are in a relationship in which you are faithful and he is not. That’s not an open relationship, that’s condoned cheating. Hell, it’s hardly a relationship it all. It’s more like brand loyalty. You’re the kind of person who wears only one brand of purse or shoes, not realizing that the company producing them couldn’t give a shit about your loyalty. Only in this case, instead of purses and shoes, it’s dicks.
I know, conceptually at least, that there exist people who actually do the open relationship thing, where they’re like married or whatever but are free to bone whoever they want. I don’t know any personally, because that’s fucking weird. There’s no amount of sex-positivity in the world that will make that an easy thing for a non-screwed-up human being to accept. I don’t care if you’re straight, gay, or whatever else, if you love someone and have an exclusive sexual relationship with them on your end, you expect the same in return. That’s just how people work. No one, no one sane at least, says “I love this person so much that they can do whatever they want and I genuinely don’t care.” We call those people delusional daters.
Even worse, you see each other as often as once a week. There are married couples who don’t have sex that often. He doesn’t “need” to have sex with other girls, he just likes doing so and you allow it. So fuck and no, he doesn’t love you as much as you love him. He doesn’t love you at all. There may be varying degrees of affection, but ground-zero for “loving” someone is “not fucking other people.” “Really great guys” don’t do that. Here’s a fun fact, the chances of high school sweethearts marrying and staying married are less than 2%, so if you can really “see” yourself marrying him, you have some fucking superhero-grade vision. I’d tell you that yes, you should obviously move on, but you’re either trolling me or beyond help, so it doesn’t matter.
Have Fun with the Comments,
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