December 14, 2011
Many of you have been emailing us asking to put up a holiday wish list because you need us to tell you what you want, it's totally flattering. So here's what we've come up with, we didn't really add prices because like how much work did you really expect us to do? You can look that shit up yourself.
We must obviously start off with the basics. If you don't own them, it won't hurt to ask for:
- a classic Chanel bag- Loub pumps- Hermes bangle and/or belt- Cartier Love Bracelet- Vodka
Digital camera - Even though you use your iPhone for nightly muploads, a real camera is an essential betch item. And everyone knows that you're not a true betch unless you've broken or lost at least 5 Canon Powershots in the last 8 years, so you obvi need a new one.
iPad 2 - Because your iPhone and Macbook Pro are like, clearly not enough. If you're a flashy betch, a designer case could work. We hear Marc and Louis make completely subtle and affordable cases, lol.
iPhone 4s - I know I just got the iPhone this summer but like this one has Siri!! She's a total betch. And don't worry Mom, apparently she refuses to tell anyone how to get to an abortion clinic, so take my asking you for one as a sign that I'm a responsible adult.
Apple TV - Ok so we know this shit is like 100 years old, but it's amazing to have for #23 pregames at your apartment. It's like controlling your music on your TV, well that is until someone pours vodka all over the remote. Then you're fucked.
A gift certificate - The only acceptable gift certificates are Amex, or to
clothing stores LF. None of that Best Buy/Circuit City bullshit. What do you take me for gramz, a middle-aged dad!?!? You might as well be spending your money on a chic garbage can because that's where your PC Richard gift card is going. Oh, and there's nothing more annoying than like a $50 gift certificate to a very expensive store. $50 to Louis Vuitton? Wtf am I gonna buy with that, a stick of Louis Vuitton gum?
Gramz is always a good one to ask for something like noise-cancelling earphones, which you can later use to tune your family out. It's like, ironic.
If your grandma is cool, like if she reminds you of Joan Rivers, don't hesitate to ask her for vodka. Like any holiday edition. This way you can suggest that both of you take shots in order to avoid her inevitable question, "No but really honey, who is ever going to marry you?"
- DVF sheep fur vest. Omg don't worry, Diane told us they died of natural causes. - Koolaburra boots if you're sick of your snow stained nasty Uggs- Moncler jacket- Spirit Hoods makes these really sexy, um, hats... you know if you're ever feeling like you need an extra pair of ears, or if you never want to get laid again.- Portolano chain detailed driving gloves, they're for you, not your chauffeur.
- A must have this season is gloves that you don't have to take off when using your iPhone, fucking duh. Echo Touch makes them. They're like not the hottest gloves on the shelf but I need to use my fucking iPhone without freezing to death, thanks.
- Emily Cho and Juliett Jake clutches that resemble croissants (for those who shop to curb hunger pains)- J Brand leopard legging/jeans that guys are definitely not attracted to- Equipment silk shirts, various colors- J Brand makes these coated sateen leggings we kind of want in like every color imaginable. It's possible we only want them because we like saying the word 'sateen' - Simone makes a sick black leather studded jacket, you know if the one you bought from our favorite plump Italian Massimo is wearing off - Pour La Victoire shoes- Sam Edelman Adena loafers are pretty cool, or at least Ashley Tisdale seems to think so- We kind of want to have sex with or in Work Custom Jeans Japanese faux leather tuxedo leggeras
- For kicks, ask mom to get you a Balenciaga candle. I just want my room to smell like a credit card.
- Anything but Tiffany. We're obvi into diamonds, and if you're younger go David Yurman. - We liked Dean Harris Gold and Crystal earrings, they totz match our Chanels. - Jennifer Zeuner large swirly initial necklaces, because where better to wear your name than in between your chic collar bone? - Jagger Edge Montana studded iPhone cover, because you've run out of fingers to put rings on- Cartier watch or Chanel J12 watch to replace your outdated Michele or Kors- Balenciaga also makes this watch that literally makes it as hard as possible to tell you what the time is, called the Balenciaga by Nicolas Ghesqui?re Gold-Tone Watch. Whatevs, betches are always late. Whats another 45 min?
Get your baby a Burberry Gold Metallic Snow Suit.
For Mom: Lisa Vanderpump's book For Dad: His credit card back...jokes. For your besties: Vodka or cool shit for them to decorate their apartmentsFor boyfriend: If you've been dating forever, it doesn't really matter how much you spend, but if these are your first holidays together, you must not look like you tried so hard. Because you never want to be that girl giving your boyf like VIP tickets to fucking SHM while all he gets you is like, dinner or some old edition of the Velveteen Rabbit. For a guy you're hooking up with: Sex coupons
xx The Betches