January 6, 2015
Hiatus season is the fucking worst. It’s like a bunch of asshole TV executives were sitting around one day brainstorming ways to make the dead of winter even more miserable than it already is, and then one of them went “I know, let’s take away everyone’s shows.” Some of us only have a few more weeks to hold on (How to Get Away with Murder comes back January 29th), but there are the unfortunate few that have months to wait. Sorry Game of Thrones fans- fire can't kill a dragon, but hiatus sure fucking can.
To help you survive the last of this TV dry spell, we’ve compiled some shows that you probably weren’t watching before and should definitely check out. If have watched all of these AND your other shows are still on break, you should probably stop watching TV and reacquaint yourself with the outside world.
If you like competition, delicious food, and watching children cry, welcome to Master Chef Jr. You haven’t lived until you’ve watched an 8-year-old make beef wellington while Gordon Ramsay tries to set her up with his son. Sure these tiny chefs will make you feel completely inadequate, but it’s totally worth it because they usually just talk mad shit about each other the entire time. For the full experience, hold a fantasy MCJ draft beforehand and then spend the rest of your Tuesday nights this winter wishing misfortune upon small children while you consume mass amounts of wine with your friends. Good news betches, a new season premieres tonight.
Outlander is basically a Scottish version of Game of Thrones but with actual history involved. Unfortunately it’s on Starz, the modern day equivalent of dropping a new album on cassette only, which is why most people haven’t heard of it.
Plot: a WWII nurse, Claire Randall, is on honeymoon in Scotland when she gets transported back to the 1743 Scottish Highlands. Claire has to figure out how to survive and make her way back to 1945 and the husband she left behind, all the while dealing with the impending Scottish rebellion against England. This proves to be really fucking hard because Highlanders are a very small step above cavemen and the British haven’t been this fucking awful since Lucius Malfoy killed Heath Ledger in The Patriot. Claire suffers a near-rape almost every episode, so if shit like that bothers you then you might want to avoid it. But if you can stomach that then it’s worth checking out, because she takes zero shit and is constantly putting barbaric Scotts in their place.
Real reason for watching: Jamie McTavish. He is literally the hottest ginger to walk the earth and also actually from Scotland, which mean that fucking accent is real. However, the rest of the Scots are completely impossible to understand, so make sure to turn on the subtitles. (Disclaimer: the first season only has 8 episodes and doesn’t return until April, so don’t get too attached).
This was a new fall premiere that got cancelled after five episodes, but the rest of the season was released on Hulu anyways.
Plot: Analeigh from cycle 11 of America’s Next Top Model and Evan from Greek meet in Manhattan, and the entire series is the two of them trying to make a relationship work even though they both monumentally fuck it up every episode. The catch is that the viewer is privy to both characters' inner monologues the entire time, which offers us a very rare glimpse into a bro’s thought process while he navigates the dating world.
By no means will this show change your life, but if you’re looking for something fluffy and romantic to fill the void left by winter hiatus/your love life, you could easily binge watch a whole season in a night.
Honorable mention: Evan manages to pull off a flesh colored beard in the way that Spencer Pratt wished he could have.