September 18, 2014
Nick Jonas doesn't wear his purity ring anymore so if you've ever wanted to fuck a teen idol now is your chance. TBT to when all three Jonas brothers were in a band called The Jonas Brothers and were featured in every middle school girl's fantasy. Don't pretend like you didn't
dance awkwardly sway before grinding with your besties to "Burning Up." The Jo Bros declared to the world that they would be celibate until marriage because they were devoted to God. So they wore these fugly purity rings. About ten minutes into their "When You Look Me In The Eyes" tour they realized every girl with an inferiority complex would happily blow them. They've collectively dated pretty much every Disney actress - Demi Lovato, Miley Cryus, Selena Gomez, Taylor Swift - yet never had sex with any of them because they were all bat shit crazy and nobody wanted a pregnancy scare with Hannah Montana.
Kevin waited until he got married and Joe had weird vampire sex, so not to virgin shame but Nick was the odd one out. Now, Nick has officially declared he's open for business; will you get in that line?