March 12, 2012
This weekend we saw Friends With Kids, a story of 6 normal, social people who slowly become these big fucking UGHs and eventually spiral into a weird life of being parents, growing extensive facial hair, and wearing ugly wool cardigans. It's a cautionary tale, betches.
For those who haven't seen it, here's the gist. Jennifer Westfeldt decides to have a baby with her #50 guy friend Jason (the a cappella singing dad from Step Brothers) even though they're not married and "not attracted to each other." They choose this unconventional path in order to avoid being mis and boring like their other besties, otherwise known as the entire cast of Bridesmaids.
Now given the ensemble here, this movie probably could've been funnier but instead it was just like, a quality movie. While it made us think, which we hate doing, it also had some elements that we're here to describe and make fun of.
But before we get into all of that, there are more important matters, like the fact that Jennifer Westfeldt, the main character, director and writer of this film (someone who's doing way too much #36 work), also happens to be Jon Hamm's real life girlfriend of 15 years. There's an elephant in the room right now and it's using its big fucking trunk to point out that Jon is way too hot for her and that she's really fucking old, like born in 1970 old. That's like how old my mom pretends she is. Awk. Westfeldt must have the best
personality plastic surgeon on the planet if there's any shot in hell that he's not cheating on her. Speaking of her plastic surgeon, was he also anesthetized during the procedure? We're pretty sure he slipped two very round rocks into her cheeks while she was out cold.
Additionally, we have to point out that she's oddly obsessed with names with start with J. In her first film, Kissing Jessica Stein (in which Jon Hamm casually has a cameo), her name was Jessica and her guy's name was Josh. In this film her name is Julie and her baby daddy's name is Jason.....and in real life, her name is Jennifer and her pseudo-husband is Jon. I meannn... what's her next film going to be called? Juan and Julia, an independent romcom about two people who find love in a Mexican prison?
Alright, we'll give her a break. After all she did do all this work making a movie which, after training our eyes to only look at the parts of the screen where her cheeks were not featured, we actually enjoyed. Ehhh wait, before we go on we must call out that it only took her one condomless act of intercourse to get preggers. This is obviously like almost physically impossible for someone her age. But we digress... her voice is also super fucking annoying.
Moving on. Next, we have Kwiig and Don Draper starring together again -- which we clearly loved, but this time Kristin wasn't funny, she just kept crying. And Don was pretty much the same douchebag he plays in every movie or TV show. Oh and the Irish cop was also in this, but this time he was trying to unsuccessfully hide his Irish accent, but like in Bridesmaids he was still not making enough money.
And is it just us or is Maya Rudolph like, always pregnant?
At the end of the day, we liked this movie because it further proved our point that guy friends are bullshit, no matter how revolting and short you may find them sexually. Also, we loved that Megan Fox got to let her acting skills shine by pretending she would settle for a C-list sellout straddled with a son. Oh wait