Betches Love This Movie: 21 Jump Street

By The Betches

So during our ritual 'Sunday smoke-day' we did everyone a favor and saw 21 Jump Street. Seeing as Channing's only skills are break dancing and wearing fedoras, we thought we'd be taking a bullet for everyone by seeing and reviewing this movie. But like, what the fuck? It turned out so entertaining - think Superbad crossed with a drug trip crossed with Never Been Kissed. It was so good I didn't even check Twitter once during the movie...okay fine one time...okay three.

Whatever, the whole cast was unreal. Surprisingly Channing AND skinny Jonah were entertaining. It's weird because Jonah always said he wouldn't be as funny if he weren't so fat, but no! Put aside his little leftover flabbster flopping around during the various police chases, he was actually hysterical. Lookout America, there might be a role for JHud in comedy after all.

21 jump stNow this is what we call 'going on a diet with your bestie'


Our favorite Jonah Hill Moments: Let me count the many.- His glamour shots featuring a young Jay Leno adorned with Native American dreamcatchers for earrings - he said it himself, If I have to suck someone's dick I will.- "Cannabis SATIVA"- Cut to his yearbook photo of the Jugging Society and his quote, "One man, three balls"- His text to Channing, "Be home late, don't wait up. Out with Eric :)"- Getting stabbed in the back with his mom's exotic vase - the kokopelli vase is totes the new fertility vase of the Umdibelli tribe- The entire Peter Pan sitch was straight up brills. Specifically, his timely and dainty leaps. Have some fairy dust motherfucker!- Two words: Korean Jesus

What was up with...- the drug that was being trafficked out of the high school chemistry lab? No wonder the prom theme was One Night in Tijuana. Where was Marissa Cooper? But seriously, the drugs looked like Ritz crackers.- those gangsters getting drugs (disguised as a pinata) from 12th graders? Twelfth graders who deal out of a pencil case at a yearbook office, no less! Yo, the supplier wants the deal to go down at prom...dat cool?- the main girl being an extreme nice girl? The only cool thing about her was her name, which was Molly. Who cries over a late curtain call for Peter Pan!?- ALL of the "popular" kids being extremely weird. And why were there only like, 5 of them? Why didn't the main girl have any girl friends, why was she in Glee Club? Shit was cray.- the drama teacher telling his students he did cocaine with Willie Nelson's horse? Seems like a waste of gummies.

So betches, go see 21 Jump Street, it's fucking hysterical. And if anyone has a good hookup for acid disguised as a hhhhhWheat thin, give us a call.





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