April 4, 2012
When it comes to deepening one's spirituality, it's customary to take a pilgrimage to a holy destination as a totally intense way to strengthen your relationship with whatever you worship. Muslims go to Mecca, JABs go to Israel, freaks go to Comic-con and betches make the holy pilgrimage to Bayfront Park aka Ultra Music Festival. With 200,000 neon clad, drugged out, house music nymphomaniacs in attendance, betches find inner peace in a hopeless place. You can lose all your inhibitions, and all your shit, and no one cares. Why? Because you're all Alice in fucking Ultra Wonderland tripping your balls off.
Ultra is a mere blur of riding on strangers shoulders, snorting lines off iPhones, switching sunglasses with a passed out stranger, stealing press passes and ending up in someone's not-so-famous trailer. There is neon and glitter and tree humping, basically the very betchy Christmakkah present Santa never delivered.
Ultra may be long past, but we promised we'd give you some of our favorite sets. And we just finally mustered up the physical strength to find them on Google this very morning.
Avicii @ Ultra: I mean, what can we say? I'm sure you've all listened to it a mill times but we can't not share it with the world. And if you haven't heard this yet, that's Madonna introducing Avicii, and yes she sounds like an idiot. Madge the moron!
David Guetta @ Ultra: In spite of how many times we've listened to Titanium it still gives us the chills. This is an hour long mix and it's amazing the whole way through. We promise you'll be ugh-ing during the entire mix, as in UGH this shit is so good.
IDGAFOS (D.veloped Extended Remix): This is pretty legit. It's unlike anything we've ever posted and a little on the slow side, but still really great. Makes us want to go smoke a blunt, slow down the bpm, recline our car seats chairs to horizontal status and drive through the projects. Oh and it's really fun to say the title.
DJ Pauly D feat Dash - Night of My Life: This isn't a joke. Pauly D is playing on Betches, and we're not apologizing. We want to laugh at this shit, but it's not shit, it's catchy and makes me want to down about 5 shots and dance on my computer desk. I wish we could say Jk lol lol...but no. This is happening, just let it happen... [insert rape joke] [insert comment about how rape is not a joke] [insert lawyer phone number]
Whitney Houston - How Will I Know (Van Hooft & Forever Kid Remix): RIP Whit. love her.