5 Things You Should Not Say To A Single Betch

By Sgt. Olivia Betchson

For all you single betches out there I’m sure you’re all sick of hearing this crap.

“It’ll happen when you stop looking.” – If that were the case, no online dating site ever would be successful because I’m pretty sure that’s the definition of “looking.” But it doesn’t matter anyway because I’m not “looking” for a boyfriend. If one happened to come my way I wouldn’t complain but that doesn’t mean I’ve got my Sherlock Holmes hat on, either.

“You know when I was 20, I met your mother.” – Yeah thanks dad, if you want me to get Jamaal, the guy I made out with at a bar last weekend, to put a ring on it I’m sure he’d be happy to oblige.

“You have to love yourself first.” – Yeah, I do love myself. The problem is that I know I’m pretty and awesome and hilarious and super down-to-earth but Ryan Gosling hasn't come to that realization yet.

“Why don’t you stop going to bars? You know you’ll never meet a guy there.” – Did it ever occur to you that I’m not trying to go to bars to meet guys, and that I go to bars because I like going to bars? I don’t go to the gym to meet guys either but you’re not going to tell me to stop going there, are you?

“If it’s meant to be it’s meant to be.” – I know, and that’s why I’m waiting for my Prince Charming who likes Pina Coladas, getting caught in the rain, long walks on the beach, and USELESS FUCKING CLICHES.




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