Why 50 Shades Of Grey Is Literally The Worst

By Betchen Wieners

When everyone except for you was reading Fifty Shades of Grey that one summer, they described it as a steamy tale of orgasmic discovery, where a nice girl is awakened by her deep love for BDSM sex with her billionaire boyfriend. Smarter people recognized the book as a generally plot-less tale of enormously poor written porn-literature, while other women saw it as their inspiration to initiate vanilla sex with their husband for the first time since their 20th wedding anniversary.

When the movie came out, everyone and their mother (but hopefully not with their mother) went to go see it because the hangover after Valentine’s Day can be notable.The majority of America recognized that 50 Shades featured plenty of crimes to humanity without even going into the troubling themes, such as Steele’s bush.

But then when you dig a little deeper, but not much deeper because they kept the plot pretty fucking simple, you realize the whole premise of the movie is romanticized coercion, misogyny and abuse. This would be one thing if the movie just simply existed, but it’s a whole different issue when you consider that it’s grossed over 270 million dollars worldwide since its release. Worst, plenty of people have (literally) gotten off to it. Ew.

Maybe I’m just living in a college bubble, but I thought feminism was in right now, and I especially thought that Beyoncé was into it. Clearly, no one on Beyoncé’s team caught this minor transgression before she endorsed the movie by making a remix for it. At least the remix exists.

For one, (spoiler alert), Anastatia is never into the BDSM thing. She desperately wants to just lose her virginity to a hot billionaire and then cuddle like any other normal 22-year-old. Instead he buys her minor shit like a car to try to convince her that it's okay to be talked into getting tied up and whipped and stalked for his own pleasure, in and out of the bedroom. The movie also portrays BDSM as a hot but twisted sexuality, (actual spoiler alert) a coping mechanism for Grey who developed his taste in spikes from being pretty much molested as a young teenager by a MILF who he actually wouldn’t have liked to fuck.

The fact that 50 Shades of Grey exists isn’t the big issue. There’s got to be plenty of more damaging shit on Pornhub. The problem is that it’s so popular. And like any car wreck, it’s one of those things that you just can’t look away from.




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