July 5, 2011
Every betch’s favorite housewife is Bethenny Frankel. Not only was she on the classiest Housewives installment (besides Beverly Hills of course), but since she’s the ultimate betch, some brilliant producers decided to give her a reality spinoff. Betches love Bethenny because she says and does whatever the fuck she wants. It’s not called #1 talking shit when you say it to someone’s face…
Besides her involvement in the Housewives of New York City her claim to fame is as a “natural food chef.” What the hell does that mean? It means she’s in great demand to cook for ano betches! But what do ano betches eat? That’s right, nothing! Her entire empire is built on a betch's favorite pastime, #5 dieting. Hence the reason why she also sells diet alcohol and makes serious bills doing it. I mean, selling your Skinny Girl Margs while SEVEN months pregnant!? That’s a true business betch. Although working hard is not something a betch is accustomed to, if your job is pimping out margaritas to women under 100 pounds, I’m pretty sure you’re not really working.
Three weeks after giving birth to baby Bryn she posed in a size 4 bikini for US Weekly. She clearly knows it’s never okay to look fat, just when you thought pregnancy was the last legitimate excuse. Really. Tell us your secret… Oh wait you wrote three books about that… Perfect.
Now onto that husband of hers. JASON. Wow, he knows how to tame a betch. After three failed engagements, J managed to get a very knocked up B down the aisle. He has a betch's favorite qualities like money and a huge penis, and he must be living off Xanax because he happily manages to put up with Bethenny's 24/7 nonstop shit storm of bitching. Also, Jason is a total rando. Leave it to Bethenny to find NYC's last hot single un-bro-y bro.
He even puts up with it when she bitches out her in-laws! A betch’s ultimate worst enemies are clearly her in-laws, especially the mother. Jason's overbearing, Pennsylvania hick town parents do NOT do it for Bethenny and she is not afraid to let the world know. For those betches out there who are concerned that they’re TOO betchy to ever catch a husband, don’t worry, just follow Bethenny’s lead.
Bethenny’s outspoken personality and total betch attitude make her our favorite housewife and our Betch of the Week. We envy her amazing body and overall lifestyle. Who wouldn’t want to spend summers in
the Hamptons Montauk (yeah… less of a scene, we know), be featured in magazines, and attend amazing events? She’s just the shit, and we can’t wait to see what’s next for our Betch of the Week Bethenny Frankel.