June 8, 2012
This week's betch of the week is pregnant again, but you can bet your ass she won't get fat. Introducing the supermodel who puts all other supermodels to shame, the love interest of both Leonardo DiCaprio in his hotter years and one of the most loved/hated NFL quarterbacks Tom Brady, Gisele Bündchen.
So what makes this model different than all other models, other than the fact that in 2000 she personally inspired 36,000 boob jobs in Brazil? Well, she is the highest-paid model in the world with an estimated $150 million fortune. Forbes even says she's about to become the world's first ever billionaire supermodel...and we're sure her job is a hell of a lot more fun than Warren fucking Buffett's.
Let's take a deeper look at this sixth generation German Brazilian and what makes her tick.
In addition to being part of the hottest couple in Hollywood (next to Peter Dinklage and his wife, obvi), G and Tom are actually the highest paid celebrity couple, beating out even Jay-Z and Beyonce.
Gisele has 5 sisters, including a fraternal twin sister Patricia. Talk about sibling rivalry. When Anna Wintour personally names you model of the millenium there's probs very little speculation over who the hotter sister is. Her native tongue is Portugeuse and she obvi speaks English and Spanish. Not only did Rolling Stone declare her "The Most Beautiful Girl in the World" in 2000, but Vanity Fair also published an article titled "...And God Created Gisele". Despite all this, Gisele's real talents come from the amazing shit she says, which continues to inspire us everyday on our path to eternal beauty and happiness.
On being like,whatever:
"I think it's better when you're natural, when you just do whatever you want, instead of doing classes where I see all these other people holding back because they've been trained with certain skills or techniques. I'm like, whatever."
On #4 birthdays:
“I've been waiting, like, a quarter of century to be a quarter of a century, can you believe it?”
On getting over personal tragedies and making it through the hard times in life:
“I do love fireworks, and I have missed them before, and I can't miss them again-oh, that would be horrible!”
And the infamous Post-Patriots-Lose-the-Superbowl monologue:
“I can’t believe they dropped the ball so many times, my husband cannot fucking throw the ball and catch the ball at the same time.”
So congrats on the news that you're bringing an additional greatest mix of genetic perfection into the universe. God knows there's enough ugly babies out there. Let's hear it for our betch of the week, Gisele, who shows that when you're this hot, it doesn't fucking matter if you even understand the words coming out of your own mouth.