July 6, 2011
This week’s Betch of the Week, Katy Perry, has earned her title in numerous ways. With her song, E.T. she became the first artist in history to be in the top 10 of Billboard Hot 100 for an entire year. But that’s far from the betchiest thing about her.
First, Katy wins the title for most improved betch-in-training. The girl was the daughter of not one, but two Chrisitan pastors and was not allowed to listen to non-gospel music growing up. Talk about a fucking nice girl. Cut to ten years later and the Betch is singing about making out with girls and blacking out.
Also, Katy married ultimate ugly hot, funny bro Russell Brand. While she’s clearly way hotter than him, there’s still a big part of us that’s really jealous. I mean, so what if he wears v-necks that expose his entire chest, he has a seriously hot accent and anything that leaves his mouth is fucking hysterical. Only a true betch could turn a womanizing alcoholic sex addict into a wifed up pro.
Katy seems like a relatively smart betch too, providing us with some great inspirational quotes:
"I still love Freddie Mercury. He was flamboyant with a twist of the operatic, but more importantly, he just didn't give a fuck."
"I've done a lot of bad things. Use your imagination."
"I think there's a fine line between being a slut and being classy. I walk in between that line."
Let’s talk about Katy’s latest hit, Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F) This is like the betchiest song to hit the Billboard 100 since Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. A song relaying a night of blacking out, hooking up, and losing shit? Fucking story of our lives. Thanks for putting a typical betch evening into lyrical mode.
Betches love Katy Perry because she’s hot, she has an attitude, and her songs are fucking amazing. With the exception of her asking us if we ever feel like a plastic bag (uh, no that’s pretty much the last thing I’ve ever fucking felt like) her lyrics are us. In the spirit of owning the night like the fourth of July this weekend, keep Katy in mind and blackout like it’s fucking Friday night.