July 5, 2011
This week’s Betch of the Week may be accused of having no real talent. However, although she doesn’t sing, dance, or act (very well) this does not mean that this girl is without skills. Kristin Cavallari can possibly be the world’s best embodiment of a betch. She is gorgeous, quick, edgy, and best of all, does not give a shit about what anyone thinks of her.
Ever since Kristin graced our TV screens in high school, something about her just exuded betchiness. Maybe it was the fact that she was bawling out LC (a senior when she was only a junior!) in Cabo. So betchy. Maybe it was the fact that she looked perfect even after just rolling out of bed when the other Laguna Beach cast members had to spend a fortune putting on their best outfits just to appear kind of hot. Whatever it is, Kristin has been #32 winning since she was fucking 16 years old. She managed to date Stephen, the guy of her choice, while not giving a shit about his fuck buddy LC and has clearly racked up spots on more than a handful of WYDELS.
Kristin has also managed to do what even some of the best betches have a hard time accomplishing: never getting a real job. She’s managed to breeze through life acting like a bitch on various reality shows until she got a professional football player to propose to her at 24. Kristin is far too big of a betch to have to deal with working in an office, although we'd love to see the people she'd piss off there!
Kristin, like most people and yes, even betches, does have her flaws. She has openly displayed some emotion towards a guy, Brody Jenner. We’ll let it slide because he happens to be insanely gorgeous. But whatever, betch still won. Brody’s still dating (or maybe isn't anymore, no one gives a shit either way) some skateboarding emo freak lesbian who wears a fucking tie in public and Kristen is marrying a football player. Well played, post-break up betch.
So thank you Kristin, for being an inspiration to betches everywhere. You’ve shown us that with the right attitude and manipulative prowess, you don’t need plastic surgery to come out on top. You just have to bring your most valuable possession to the table: gorgeous looks and an “I don’t give a fuck” attitude.