Betch of the Week: Madonna

By The Betches

This week’s betch of the week has done it all, and not just because she’s old. She’s a singer, actress, dancer, author, and most importantly, a legendary betch. She is our beloved, original material girl betch. She is Madonna.

Now, one would think Madonna would have disappeared into obscurity twenty years ago or become some joke American Idol judge like Paula Abdul. But Madonna keeps reinventing herself and still manages to be hot and cool even though she’s over fifty. Every pop star with half a fucking brain knows she has to say that Madonna was her inspiration if she's pretending like she wants to be taken seriously. But like, come on. Madonna singing “Express Yourself” wasn’t a personal fucking invitation for Lady Gaga to basically copy the entire song add an extra chord, and call it "Born This Way".


SnookiAt her 52nd birthday. Betches love birthdays.


Betches also love Madonna because she taught us how to dress like a slut and clearly proved that she’s a master of not fucking bros in “Like a Virgin.” Oh and "Material Girl" basically taught us how to deal with SABs. “Some boys try and some boys lie but I don’t let them play. Only boys who save their pennies make my rainy day.”

Let’s talk about her personal life. She's spiritual, super trendy, and she’s dated or married everyone under the sun from ugly hot Sean Penn to actually hot A-Rod. She and her daughter Lourdes even have their own clothing line. Talk about a betchy family.

She’s a fan of abbrevs and teaches betches-in-training our sacred language. A quote of her literary genius is mentioned in her book, “T.G.T.B.T: too good to be true.” We can’t forget to mention that her children’s book “The English Roses” is about four English schoolgirl besties who are extremely jealous of each other. Fucking duh.

Some of our favorite betchy Madonna quotes include:

"I'm tough, I'm ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay."


"Everyone is entitled to my opinion"

"I always thought I should be treated like a star."

Madonna is back in the recording studio, and we have no doubt she will be reinventing herself until she’s 90, dressing like a slut in her chic Stair Chair. We wouldn’t be betches if we didn’t live our lives by Madonna’s lyrics:


“Did I say something wrong? Oops, I didn’t know I couldn’t talk about sex. Did I have a point of view? Oops I didn’t know I couldn’t talk about you.”



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