February 27, 2012
We thought it was only appropriate that in addition to Meryl's big win last night, she could add another honor to her list. Sorry we don't have any naked gold dolls laying around. Where does she even have room for all this trophy storage? Can someone just fucking frame this and mail it to her?
But she's so old! She needs to put on 3 pairs of glasses and have cataract surgery to even read this Georgia size 12 font! This may be true, but so does your mom. Except your mom hasn't won like 9182 million awards and made out with Sandy Bullock.
Though our Meryl obsession runs deep, here are the top reasons why we love her:
10. We use her old films as evidence to show people we are 'cultured and/or worldly'... no one argues with a Streep film, not even with Prime.
9. She was hotter than Goldie Hawn in Death Becomes Her.. even after dying.
8. She bitched out Anne Hathaway in DWP.
7. We had a shady one-week obsession with Mamma Mia in college. No we didn't have a drinking game to Take a Chance on Me.
6. We have a non-shady, completely casual obsession with It's Complicated that's lasted longer than one week but shorter than eternity. It's complicated.
5. She's been in a lot of holocaust films. Do you know how #5 skinny you have to be for that?
4. No we don't care that Meryl is a nice girl name that's on par with Mildred or like Eunice, but she was casually homecoming queen in high school, so she's obviously used to winning popularity contests.
3. Instead of acting, she originally applied to law school but accidentally slept in on the morning of her interview...which she took as a sign she was destined for other things, ie. too lazy to go to law school.
2. She left the first Oscar she ever won for Kramer vs. Kramer on the back of a toilet. Was too busy blackout vomming.
1. Despite the fact that she's like, old and anti-rhinoplasty, we're fucking in love with her. That's all.