July 25, 2011
This week’s Betch of the Week goes to one of our fave betches on TV. She’s skinny, smart, and not on cable. We introduce to you, the mother of marijuana and star of Weeds, betch Nancy Botwin.
Nancy is a betch for many reasons. Most obviously, she sells weed. She started off as a small time weed dealer to support her two sons, hot blond bro Silas and cutie-turned-psycho Shane. Any stoner betch knows that you can obviously be cool without selling, but if you turn your pot smoking habit into a lucrative business, let’s just say you are fucking set. At least until you start fucking a DEA agent.
Speaking of #8 not fucking bros, Nancy wasn’t all that good at it. But we must say, she never actually had sex with Guillermo, which shows us that the times that we did see her up against some office desk, she was trying to get something from the guy. Using sex to manipulate men? Betch.
Nancy is also a firm believer in children raising themselves, or at least paying the housekeeper Lupita to do it for her. In fact, the only work Nancy actually does is sell fucking weed and bitch out arch-nemesis Celia Hodes.
Let’s just talk about the number of WYDEL’s Nancy has been on throughout the entirety of the show. Most apparent is that of her third husband, mayor of Tijuana and the fucking leader of a cartel. The only way that she’s able to get off someone’s list is, well, for them to die. Lucky Nancy, Esteban is dead! (Sorry if this spoiled it for you betches, but catch the fuck up.)
Yeah it was weird that she was a huge lesbo in jail but that just shows that the betch is able to make any situation one from which she benefits. Fucking duh.
All plot devices aside, Nancy is a betch for one big reason. She only drinks iced coffee and diet coke. We applaud you Jenji Kohan, this could not be more realistic. Like what better way to represent this woman as a betch than to have her sip an 32 oz iced coffee while she’s trading a suitcase of grenades for a few ounces of bud? She’s casual and doesn’t give a fuck.
Now betches, don’t start harassing your dealer because you want to be like Nancy Botwin, top stoner betch and the only female dealer in your town. You will be arrested. But please do light up for the sole reason that you have enough sense to realize that was just a high thought.