October 20, 2011
Disturbia. Only Betch In The World. Umbrella. SOS. Who's That Chick. Please Don't Stop the Music. So Hard. Run This Town. Cheers. What's My Name? (Rihanna, fucking duh). Rude Boy. Breaking Dishes. (anyone?)
If you're a true betch, most of these songs were "omg my favoriteeee song" at some point. This is especially true for her new #58 house collaboration with Calvin Harris 'We Found Love,' a song that inspires betches everywhere to drop everything they were just doing (peeing, texting furiously in a corner, vomming) to run to the dance floor and scream at the top of their lungs to their besties OMGAAAHH THIS IS OUR JAM. For this reason, this week's betch of the week is none other than Rihanna.
Rihanna's amazing because she's only 23 but might be the biggest betch in the music industry. Along with her unreal songs, some of her betchy achievements include: Esquire naming her the sexiest woman alive this month, having a holiday named "Rihanna Day" in Barbados to celebrate her (though we have one too, it's called #26 Spring Break), and since she's flawlessly gorg she looks great no matter how insane her hair looks. And she wears outrageous outfits but she doesn't even have to hide her face and body like jealous fugly betch, Lady Gaga.
On top of also having her own company that she probs doesn't do any #36 work for, she also has a shrine to her fav
musical influence stoner betch Bob Marley in her house. And like any #24 insensitive betch who wants to seem down to earth, Rihanna is a Cartier Love Bracelet Charity Ambassador. Obvs she's part of the betchiest charity possible.
Only Rihanna could get away with getting the shit beaten out of her and then writing a song about how much she loves to get the shit beaten out of her. Betch is so ironic.
We also love her profound lyrics like "got my Raybans on and I'm feeling hella cool tonight, yeah." Samsies, Ri Ri.
So betches, in honor of Rihanna's latest album Talk That Talk, do what the betch says and #1 talk that talk. In her own words, "got my middle finger up - I don't really give a fuck." Betch may be bad but she's perfectly good at it.