September 12, 2011
In honor of the final season of one of HBO’s most kind of sort of decent shows, we give you Entourage’s hottest character and this week’s Betch of the Week, Sloan McQuewick.
The daughter of one of the biggest fictional shady asshole bros on television, Terrence McQuewick, Sloan plays the Daddy’s Little Girl Card in a way that most betches only dream of. Sloan is gorgeous, she #36 doesn’t work, and is the only female on the series who #8 hasn’t fucked Vincent Chase. Well done, betch.
One of her greatest qualities is that every guy in the fucking universe is in love with her and all she has to do is look hot, smile, and flip her perfectly done hair.
For all eight seasons of the show, we got to watch Sloan manipulate and #32 win in all confrontations with E. Watching Eric try to pretend like he wasn’t Sloan’s little bitch for six years was one of our favorite parts of Entourage. Now we know she’s petite, but in real life she would never be caught with the short, talentless E, who was way too much of a #33 nice guy and therefore did not suffer from the necessary case of TDS that would be needed to conquer someone of Sloan’s rank. She managed to emasculate E so much that he's now more feminine than Carrie Bradshaw.
We're just confused as to why no one makes a bigger deal about why the fuck Sloan would ever settle for this back burner bro midge. We know she's betch of the week, but there must be something wrong with her. Maybe she has a facial hair issue that's never discussed. All we know is that we're thinking the same thing each episode that goes something like, "WHY?"
Don't date actors, fine. Date Scott Lavin if you have that compact-man fettish, at least he's somewhat sexy and isn't the only person who will beat Lindz Lo in a who-has-more-freckles competition.
Sloan's betchiness culminated in her refusal to marry E without a prenup, no one gets to take advantage of my daddy’s money except me! Yeah, because we're sure he could support her lifestyle with his tenuous job giving Vince advice that he never listens to. Also note her refusal to have anything to do with E even after he knocks her up. Takes a true betch to not succumb to the inevitable hormones that might make you a nice girl during pregnancy.
Lastly, we know this is about the actress and not the character, but it needs to be addressed. Sloan/Emmanuelle, we forgive you for being in Snow Day, everyone makes mistakes.