September 30, 2011
This week’s Betch of the Week is one of our favorite foreign betches from a country that's not Britain. She is yet another example of how betches can be funny and hot at the same time. She is Modern Family’s Sofia Vergara.
Let’s talk about her role on Modern Family. Now initially we thought, sure Gloria is betchy, but is the real-life Sofia Vergara just another immigrant with a funny accent? Turns out, Sofia IS Gloria and that’s because like a true betch, she had the role written for her, not the other way around. Like her character, Sofia is the ultimate #37 betchy mom and has a 19-year-old son who’s only marginally hotter than Manny.
Just like any top betch, Sofia got herself the perfect job where she never has to do work. All she does is say random shit that sounds like other random shit in her Colombian accent. Like, if Al Bundy was going around saying ‘baby jesus’ you would never laugh or think he meant to say baby cheeses. Throw in an accent and American ignorance and you’ve made the hysterical character named
Oh and speaking of not working, here's how Sofia started her
career job of doing nothing: Betch was casually tanning on the white beaches of Colombia, was randomly discovered, and the next day found herself modeling. Next thing she knows she’s doing Pepsi commercials with David Beckham, on the set of a major abc show, and so intensely not giving a shit that she doesn’t even know her bony anal co-star Julie Bowen’s real name.
She is a master at manipulating her Pro husband on the show and we’re sure she was equally good at manipulating the real life stars she dated, like Tom Cruise. (Huh? Did she? Yeah she did a while ago!)
In other betchy news, she’s the new face for CoverGirl. That’s pretty sick considering the faces of these companies are like Vanessa Hudgens who sells a Neutrogena
vibrator sonic power cleanser. Sofia is 40, looks like shes 25, and is like hot, no homo.
So betches, Sofia proves that you can be a betch even if no one understands what the fuck you’re saying. As long as you have the right attitude and a hot body, you too can rule television, no matter where you’re from.