January 12, 2012
This week we're celebrating a betch you wouldn't expect to see here, simply because she's like fucking old. But don't let her white hair and love of vagina dissuade you from seeing her for who she really is. She's a tall skinny bitch who's not afraid to tell people why they suck and this is the reason you, Tabatha Coffey, are Betch of the Week.
Besides the obvious fact that her last name is the substance that runs in our veins, the betch literally and figuratively takes over any room she walks into. As it says in the title of her show, Tabatha literally takes over. She gets to tell exceptionally vapid people how to run their business, and then she revamps it. Tabatha's main thrill in life is a makeover, it gives her a sense of control in a world full of chaos.
And figuratively, because when she walks into a dirty ass salon that she's being paid bank to redesign, the morons she's about to tell off are not only scared shitless of her but also respect her. That's some serious Machiavellian shit right there. We're taking notes.
We're not going to say shes the best looking lesbo to ever cross Andy Cohen's path, but we can definitely say that her accent makes up for her big ass fake lashes and that thing thats in front of her left eyebrow. I mean, she's a living fusion of Ja'mie and Mr.G. Can life possibly get more entertaining than that? When she says shit like "I wish I could slap that plastic surgery off her face" we're surprised that there are other people besides us who would actually say that out loud.
To quote one of the nobel laureates she's had to work with on the show, "I really took what Tabatha said to heart, it was something like 'You're human... you're not the bomb.com'"
We know that Tabatha may not have the sweetest blood running through her body, as she hates children and is named after the witch in The Crucible, but we revere the various and creative ways she's brewed up, pun intended, to tell people to shut the fuck up and fuck off.