Betch of the Week: Victoria Beckham

By The Betches

This week we’d like to honor the only Brit who can possibly rival former Betch of the Week Kate Middleton, and one of the greatest pop icons of our younger betch-hood. We’re talking about Posh Spice herself, Victoria Beckham.

Vicky Becks is the skinniest and most robotic, yet iconic celebrity betch out there. Her greatest asset is her extremely unapproachable aura that every betch strives for, the ability to say “fuck off” without even speaking. She rarely smiles or says anything, and we like that about her. She’s too betchy to bestow her precious thoughts and feelings on the common people. But we’re also sure her publicist lives up her ass because anything she has to say would be too offensive.

The real thing we love about her is that she is so fucking #5 skinny. She claims that her diet consists of water, fish and strawberries (as in, a strawberry). When asked if she’s ever eaten a cookie, she actually said no.

Exactly how much does she hate fat people? Put it this way, she has her own fashion line so exclusive that the clothes don’t come in sizes larger than zero. She only dresses select celebrities whom she considers of her own caliber. Judging people is so betchy. Even her clothes play hard to get. #winning

For those of you betches who were lucky enough to be around during the reign of the Spice Girls, you know that the Queen Betch of the bestie group always got to dress up as Posh when you would perform your own renditions of Wannabe. Fuck Baby Spice. Like, really? You’re 25 and prancing around with pigtails and lollipops.


victoria beckhamSkinny bitch still has bigger boobs than Sporty Spice.


Vicks, on the other hand…did she even sing? We’re pretty sure she just walked on stage wearing the shortest dress and highest heels possible, looking pissed off. But that’s just us. Either way, no matter what she wears, aspiring betches will always worship the ground she walks on. Have you ever seen Vick on the wrong side of Fashion Police? We’re just waiting for the day Joan Rivers calls her out for wearing one of those ridiculous fucking hats.

Finally, not to point out her most obvious acquisition, but her husband is David fucking Beckham. And her sons Brooklyn, Romeo, and Cruz (Duh the Beckhams are in the retarded celebrity baby name club), are already on their way to becoming the hottest, douchiest assholes that today’s five year-old Betches-in-Training are going to be obsessed with in 10 years. Fear a family where every member looks like they were carved by fucking Michaelangelo.

Just when we thought pregnancy was the only excuse left to eat, Vick snapped us back to reality. If you think that daughter she’s expecting will ever see a birthday cake, think again. She’ll thank her later.


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