May 31, 2012
As many of you may know, probably from being bombarded with constant advertisements, that Snow White and the Huntsman comes out today. So we thought, who better to honor than the Evil Queen herself? She's the only betch who makes emerging from a large vat of whole milk look fetch. She is the tallest young adult you'll ever meet (we know because we have), Charlize Theron.
No but seriously, Charlize is so vertically gifted that she was hovering hard when standing next to us. She's like world's tallest man... but woman. On top of that, she's incredibly gorgeous, blonde, and her skinny arm is quite commendable. Can you be any more perfect?
Yes. She's also like, sooo worldly. Not only is she from South Africa, the chicest part of Africa, but she also adopted the cutest black baby! Now, we know what you are thinking. Adopting black children is so been there done that, like fluffy pomeranians or Paris. But the difference lies in the fact that Charzy doesn't throw her culturally
diverse similar child in everyone's face like the Angelinas of the world. Unlike The Pitt-Jolie Bunch, there are only several, if any pictures of Charlize with little Jackson in the tabloids, but we suspect it's only because the paparazzi are too short.
Let's talk about her life achievements thus far. This betch is so versatile. She can go from being Italian Job's hot girl safe burglar to Arrested Dev's mentally challenged Brit to Monster's monster truck lesbian killer to the star of the groolest Dior commercial we've ever seen. So much diversity so little time! And the best part of all is that she's an extremely respected actress who's able to live a fairly private life. We'll even argue that she's the female version of George Clooney, and for that matter we think they would make a great couple. George does love an amazon woman (see the Kiebler elf). #Therooney2012
Some of her best quotes:
If I knew that 3D was going to be such a big deal, I would have gotten that boob job 10 years ago.
Female fans: We just have to say, you're the most beautiful woman in the world Charlize: I'm not going to sleep with you.
Okay so we hear she's kind of a weirdo and a bit of a bitch, but like wouldn't you also be if no one could look you in the eye? Either way, we simply can't wait to watch her overshadow and almost-kill Kristen Stewart for 2 hours straight.