February 2, 2012
So today we were informed via numerous emails that there's a protest of the website known as BarStoolSports.com and their promotion of an event called Barstool Blackout at Northeastern University. Due to the fact that the controversy involves sex, blacking out, and nice girls we couldn't help but comment ourselves.
The gist of the story is that there's a movement of lame nice girls trying to end the "rape culture" that Barstool Sports supposedly promotes with their commentary on related news and Smoke Shows of the Day. This clearly made us think of our favorite event, the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show, and similar protests made against it. Now we here at Betches Love This are not anti-women. We are women, after all and we don't want to be raped, especially not by ugly guys with no money.
However, there is this thing called freedom of speech that we read about in the notes a guy took for us back in high school. And there's this other thing called taking a fucking joke of which many people, including our readers, seem to lack comprehension. Be it because they're missing the sarcasm gene or are just generally fucking stupid, someone's joking about an event does not mean they condone it (see photo under #112 Talking About Yourself). Protesting Barstool Sports is like outlawing 4-Loko. Thirteen year olds will just find another way to fuck themselves up, and we think that caffeinated calorie-loaded crap in a can is probably a better alternative than nail polish remover and an EZ-whip canister.
But back to the part about no one being able to take a fucking joke. Maybe it's because we've been subdued by all the pot we've smoked in our youth or acquired an extreme sense of apathy from being permanently hungover, but regardless of the reason, we find it bizarre that people care so much about something that does not matter in the grand scheme of life. Like what you're nervous Portnoy and his staff of vagina hungry bros are going to come and rape you? That's highly doubtful since you're probs not that cute because if you were, you'd be using your time doing the things we like to do, like gazing into mirrors or getting fucked (by choice of course).
So let these boys have their fun, and let's counter this revolution with our own. Let the comedians have their freedom of speech, no one said you had to laugh. We propose that while boys may joke about raping us, we may be allowed to joke about taking all their money and then sucking the life out of them. Guys have enough about them that we can joke about without trying to ruin everyone's fun and eliminate joking. What's next, no joking in public? What is this, fucking Footloose?
And finally, to comment on an email which was brought to our attention, from a girl at Northeastern that was published on Barstool sports. To this girl we suggest you stop acting like another desperate bitch who's trying to get fucked, and stop actually caring enough to send guys who don't give a shit about you emails that they will first jerk off to, and subsequently laugh at you for. This kind of desperation makes all betches look bad. Fuck, we wish your father had paid some attention to you growing up so you wouldn't have to try so hard to gain approval from guys who don't give a shit about you. You're just as bad as the ugly nice girls protesting these events in hopes of bringing about change.
Newsflash: if you want to change the way people think about shit, address the sickness and not the symptom (i.e. read Betches Love This, where all your dreams come true). So girls of the world, empower yourselves. Stop giving a shit about what people say about you, and make your own funny jokes about poor guys who can't get it up.