October 6, 2011
If people are always telling you to hurry up or you're consistently late to everything, these are some of the tell-tale signs that you are a betch. As betches, we have an unlimited free pass to completely disregard people's time and schedules. Betches have their own internal clock and everyone else should probably follow it. Or wait.
We love being late because we love the drama that accompanies being dramatically close to missing an event. All because you had better things to do, like #27 tan, or videochat with your boyfriend.
But think about it, why would a betch ever be early? Being early means that we would have to wait for people. We don't wait for people, people wait for us. Who's the first person at a party? Not you. Not even if it's your own birthday.
Betches don't have time to be on time. Some say this is rude. We say our time is more valuable than yours. Get back to me when your tree pose is as perfectly aligned as mine.
Some might say that it's important to be "fashionably late." Sorry, but this has nothing to do with couture, we are just late by nature because we're super busy doing really important shit. If you get called out for being late just remind this person that anything worthwhile is worth waiting for.
[Disclaimer: It is NEVER okay for someone else to be late if you ever accidentally make it somewhere on time. Does Kelly Cutrone wait for Stephanie Pratt to figure out what a computer does before she asks her to print some labels? No fucking way. In return for her tardiness, your bestie will forever be told that things start at least half an hour earlier than they do, to ensure that this travesty never takes place again.]
As the saying goes, the early bird catches the worm. Ew, pass.