January 23, 2012
There's a certain pro in Hollywood who everyone loves to hate and hates that they love him. He's the definition of a professional bro who dresses like a distinguished douchebag, with a wardrobe that can only be described as one with a pinkish hue. He is the least modest and most entertaining guy on TV. Do we watch Kourtney and Kim Take New York for either of the Kardashians? Well yeah, many do. But we, as lovers of sarcastic pompous comedy with a soft spot for well dressed babies, watch it for the most amusing baby daddy we know. This man would be introducing himself if he could, Mr. Scott Disick.
Scott debuted on TV with a rocky start, when he was known as that alcoholic asshole Kourtney Kardashian was dating. He was often seen wasted, screaming random shit, breaking mirrors, and shoving hundred dollar bills in waiters' mouths. But then something weird happened, something you don't often see in life. Scott knocked up Kourtney and actually became more responsible.
Disick got his shit together, bought a cane, bought some leopard-print loafers, got over the cane, and became a dad. Instead of dismissing his rants as fucked up and ridiculous like we did before baby Mason was born, suddenly we were smitten.
Before we knew what hit us we realized that all we wanted was a boyfriend who can pull off sextuplet-piece patterned silk suits and say romantic shit like "I could puke on myself and still be good looking."
Even though Scott has had to overcome some hardships in life, like not getting his family's inherited fortune because the fuckers lost it all, and being a Hamptons townie, this only child has been able to come out on top. Honestly, he is a betch's dream man. He's hot, dresses well, is witty, and whipped, aka everything a nice girl would hate. Congratulations Kourt, you've snagged yourself a winner.
Let's look at some epic Disick one-liners...
Kim: Oh look! Someone sent us a free yoga membership. Scott: Thank God. You wouldn't have been able to afford it.
Kourtney: You know I have sex pictures when I was 17? Scott: No Kourtney: With Jeff Scott: Sure Kourtney: Someone is trying to like, sell them to everybody Scott: And that was before your boob job, is that why you're mad?
Kourtney: I think a little discretion goes a long way Scott: I agree, but I think you already know what goes a long way. And that's my genitalia.
Scott (to the mother of his son, Kourt): Suck me dry, beautiful
"That's a gentleman's photo. I got five birds, I got my son, a nice tan. I mean what more could you ask for? My hair is flowing in the wind like flocks of capistrano."
We apologize Scott, that your broast wasn't all that critical, mainly because we appreciate all the qualities you are criticized for. So Scott, you're about to be a dad again. We wish nothing but the best for your child and would be thrilled if he or she inherited Kourtney's tan and your disregard for everyone's feelings but your own. And hey now that you're all poor and shit, it might be time to put a ring on your sugar baby mama. With no prenup and a well negotiated E! special, paying for
college Sperrys will be the least of your concerns.