106. Betches Love This City: Munich

By The Betches

It may seem weird that betches would love some random city in Germany, although we heard there was a movie about it once. In honor of the last day of Oktoberfest, let's talk about one of the most epic events of going abroad and a major exception to drinking like a betch: German beer festivals.

If you're abroad in the Fall you'll go to Oktoberfest, if you're abroad in the Spring you'll go to Springfest. Germans think Oktoberfest is more legit, but honestly any festival that revolves around getting blackout is cool by us.

munichU-S-A! U-S-A!

We're not really sure what else Munich has because we didn't see anything else, but we hear there's a big clock.


Oktoberfest is like, the sickest shit in the world. It's absolutely the only time it's acceptable to drink beer, but you can steal the huge beer mugs in your over-sized bag to bring back to your apartment for decoration. Look, I'm sooo cultured! When someone asks you about it you can then reiterate that it was like, the best time ever. Ugh, miss Munich.

How it works:

You wake up and start #23 pregaming with vodka in preparation for the beer you're going to drink later and forget about your #5 diet. Next the Beer Garden, then the festival.

As soon as you get to the tents it's immediately rowdy, you'd think we just killed Osama bin Laden or something. You heckle some Germans, get an enormous mug of beer, and what else? Take pics of you and your besties screaming "NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN" and banging your mugs on the long wooden tables, obvs. Extra points if you break shit.

This is what Germany gets for being the douchiest country on the planet for two decades. You love invading so fucking much, see how you like it when loud American college students drunkenly invade your traditional German festival, mock your traditional German garb, and get so wasted that we urinate outside your traditional German tents. Then we'll come back inside and stand on your fancy Hofbrauhaus tables and cheer for our country and the University of Wisconsin.

kim dashYeah, she def looks really German

Then there are the rides and food stands. Do you eat the food? Maybe.

At the end of the amazing day or when one of your friends gets arrested for public regurgitation and/or indecency you'll go back to your room, pass out, and hope you can wake up later with only a mini hangover and enough willpower to drink at the bar later. Un-fucking-likely. It's fine, you go through all of these classy steps again tomorrow.

If this isn't how you spent your time in Munich and like, took solo pictures of you and your boyfriend eating at various restaurants and in front of this alleged clock, you might have as well just gone home. No one wants you here anyway.


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