July 25, 2011
We know not everyone watches or likes Curb Your Enthusiasm, it's niche humor...yada yada yada.
Listen up betches, the niche that Curb fills is by default the funniest niche in the entire fucking world.
Curb Your Enthusiasm is the gem of HBO.
Obviously Larry David is not a betch, but the fact that he's the chief and lets everyone know it definitely distracts us from the fact that he's an old ass motherfucker.
Larry's the ultimate #62 Pro. Since he created Seinfeld, every time that's on your channel guide he is making bank. We get to watch him live a sweet life in California, where all he basically does is drive his little Prius from his house to the country club and back, chill with Jeff and Suzie and the Dansons, and go to fancy dinner parties with celebrities and his hot now-ex-wife Cheryl (Call out: she has big teeth). Larry has an assistant and we love watching him fuck with her, but you can bet he never does any work, ever.
This is because Larry has his work cut out for him every single day, the minute he gets his bald ass out of bed and dons those ridiculous fucking slacks and sneakers.
Fashion faux pas forgiven, here's why we're obsessed with Larry, and why every betch should adopt his attitude.
When we say that betches don't give a shit what people think of them, we're overstating this to some degree. Like for instance, we'd never be caught dead wearing overalls. We idolize Larry David because he takes not giving a shit to another level. If you don't live by Larry's rules of society, you're going to have a problem with him. Larry gets away with everything, from killing a swan to grabbing his assistant’s stomach fat.
Larry always finds himself in some mess of his own making, but this never actually matters because Larry doesn't play by your rules, he plays by his. Larry is invincible.
You see, he was born to be a betch. It's like he has one of those like, messed up gender identity disorder things. Kind of like that time Larry thought he was born a gentile, hopefully one of these days somebody will let him know he was actually born a betch named Lauren.
So betches, tune into the season premiere of Curb tonight. If you're a fan you already have your blunt rolled. If not we highly recommend you get involved in the absurdity that is Curb Your Enthusiasm. Watch Larry fuck shit up in NYC. Prettay, prettay, prettay, prettay good.