JABs of the world, shalom and happy Hanukkah. Jewish betches wait all year for this holiday. The carbs are irresistible, the candles look great in a Valencia filter, and we get eight expensive nights of presents. I mean, aside from the stack of blue Tiffany boxes at our Bat Mitzvahs and dozens of Hamsa bracelets we brought home from Birthright, Hannukah def spoils us the most.
It seems that ever since The Fat Jewish reached seven million followers and Chai tattoos became the new Chinese symbols, Judaism is betchier than ever. So as the rest of the world envies our eight-night rager, let’s go over the best parts of a betch's Hanukkah.