WTF Is Going On With The European Refugee Crisis?

By Blackout Betch

If you paid attention during SAT class junior year in high school then you probably know what the definition of “refugee” is.

For the rest of us who had packed social calendars when we were 17 years old, it means a person who has been forced to leave their own country to escape war, persecution, or natural disaster.

A good analogy is when the TTH friend is the bestie group finally realizes how unwanted she is. At this point she leaves the friend group to avoid further humiliation. She was just never destined to survive. She is the group refugee.

This is like what’s happening in Europe, but Europe’s problem makes your ex-bestie’s issues look like a walk in the fucking park.

Parts of Africa and the Middle East are in major shambles. Think how you felt on Sunday morning this week. But double it. Then add five more tequila shots and drunk texting the guy you dated in high school. Yup, it’s that bad.

If you didn’t know these areas were seriously falling apart, you must be living under a rock. Think ISIS is some rapper that’s feuding with Drake since Meek Mill is done with his shit? Please call your parents and apologize for making them pay for your college tuition.

While ISIS has been hogging all the attention (ugh how rude), there’s also been a civil war in Syria. Syria doesn’t have its shit together at all either.

Since all these problems are going down in these areas, people are like WTF, I’m leaving, BYE. Except leaving isn’t as easy as that time you decided to leave the bar because the DJ sucked. Leaving war torn countries is definitely more difficult.

Since their home countries are still alive, but barely breathing and their journeys to better, brighter places AKA Europe are such a hassle, they’re known as refugees.

To top off this entire disaster, the refugees are coming into Europe in massive numbers. We’re talking more people trying to get into Germany than 15-year olds trying to sneak a peek at Justin Bieber’s dick pics. Think half a million versus like 50,000. We’re just estimating that Bieber dick pic fan base though.

The fact that winter is coming (ugh that’s why our hands have been so dry lately) doesn’t help. European Union leaders are like “WTF are we going to do with all these people?!!” Major stress. Pass the Xanax.

Some countries, like Hungary, are being kind of exclusive about who comes into their country (not really sure why Hungary thinks they’re hot shit – it’s like when the chubby friend tried to host a pregame) and demanding tighter border controls.

Germany is trying to be an overachiever and will basically let anyone in. Ugh Germany, do less.

You’re probably wondering, “WTF is Obama doing about this problem?” Or maybe you’re bored. Well, wake up. You need to talk to your dad about SOMETHING mature next time he tries to bring up your drinking habits.

The U.S. is trying to walk the fine line between pretending like we give a fuck while at the same time not taking on too much responsibility. Many have criticized our country for not doing enough.

The bottom line is basically that there’s about to be a lot more people leaving the Middle East because things aren’t too peachy there. We won’t know for sure until Europe gets its shit together and comes up with an actual plan to help the refugees.

This happening anytime soon is about as likely as you actually giving up tequila and shit talking.




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