43. Hating Haters

By The Betches

July 5, 2011

We realize that everyone has their own place in society. As betches, being on top means that our only real concerns are drinking, partying, and picking out cute outfits. Betches don't blindly hate groups of people because we know that not everyone can be a betch, but this doesn't mean that everyone else doesn't serve their own specialized purpose. We need smart people to do our work, fat people to stand next to us and make us look thinner, and Mexican immigrants to raise us and our children. Let's talk about the people on the bottom of the food chain - the people who have a bone to pick, the people who have a giant chip on their shoulder... In short, the ugly people. They are the haters. No matter how many #38 frenemies or #25 arch nemeses a betch has to put up with, there's nothing more irritating than someone who judges you just because you're perfect.

It's time to make an important distinction. Being a hater is different than merely talking shit. Talking shit is about individuals. Hating is about stereotypically criticizing entire groups of people, not for their personal qualities, but out of resentment. Haters are hypocrites because usually, they would be you if they could. Instead, they're them, and that sucks. We feel bad, but again, just as the antelope is eaten by the lion, there are certain people in society who have to suck. You know you're a hater when you refuse to share your study guides, or you spend your Friday night calling girls sluts on CollegeACB. At least betches will be at the bar while they're doing that.

Hater tots

Typically a hater is easy to identify based on the fact that they're fat and ugly and never get ass. However some haters are able to blend in amongst the masses, like the nice girl who gets good grades but shadily judges people for doing normal things like drugs, or the short kid with a Napoleon complex who's working for Citibank but hasn't been inside a vagina since he came out of his mother's uterus.

How can you be absolutely sure you're in the presence of a true hater? Tell tale sign: the #41 fake smile becomes much harder to feign and their judgement looms over you like they're a fucking dementor.

As much as a hater has the potential to suck the fun out of any situation, a true betch can rise above it. You're better than that. A hater is only a hater because he or she is jealous of you. If you weren't so obviously superior, a hater would have no reason to hate! Think about it, do YOU ever think about people who are less cool than you? Fuck no. That's why betches only think about themselves. From now on, if someone calls you a two-faced bitch or a trashy slut, look on the bright side...How sweet is it that they wasted their time #1 thinking shit about you! Remember betches, it's the thought that counts.


Mel GibsonA hater and all of his friends


To the smart ass people who will inevitably label this post "contradictory"... Go fuck yourselves and make your way to Jenny Craig. Betches are never wrong.

Our message is simple. Don't let anyone get in your way. Just because someone else has a chip on their shoulder doesn't mean you should #36 carry the weight. Like all oppressors, the haters will take time to overcome, but fear not. When the power of betches overcomes the power of haters, then the world will know peace. Haters gonna hate, players they gonna play, and if you're lame enough to be one of those people, betches probably don't know who the fuck you are anyway.


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