How Do I Tell My Boyfriend I Want To Have a Threesome? Ask A Pro | Betches

How Do I Tell My Boyfriend I Want To Have a Threesome? Ask A Pro

By The Head Pro

Email me your pressing questions about life and love to [email protected]


Dear Head Pro,

I just want to start off by saying that I really put in an effort to being an overall chill human being and I don't want to come off as the clingy girlfriend but I'm afraid that might just be the case here.

My boyfriend and I have been in a fantastic and healthy relationship for over 2 years now and things are going great. We communicate with each other well, we never really argue because of the good communication, he loves me, I love him and so on and so on I don't want to bore you with the lovey-dovey details.

Anyway his older sister has always insisted that he takes a dance class at our state university and next semester is his last semester before he graduates so it's his last chance to take it. He really wants me to take it but the thing is I'm a full time nanny and 5 days a week from 2:30pm- sometimes 10pm, I'm earning my rent money. So I won't know for sure until classes open up for next semester's registration, but I believe that all of the ballroom dance classes are in the evening so I wouldn't be able to take the class with him. But he still wants to take it without me because he wants to make his older sister happy (which I completely adore because it's so sweet that he strives so hard to make her proud), but it makes me so uncomfortable at the thought of him dancing with other women. And the girls at our school aren't exactly known for being the conservative and respectful ladies. I know I'm horrible for being so sexist against my own, but it's true. And for the first time in our relationship I'm afraid to tell him about how that makes me feel because I don't want him to think it's a trust issue because it's not. I do trust him and I know he wouldn't ever do anything to hurt me, and I know I need to let him do what he feels like he needs to do so I don't really want to try to stop him from taking the dance class because that would be wrong for me to try and control him. But I don't know what to do about these crappy feelings.

So the advice that I'm seeking out here is what I should do to handle how I feel about this situation? I was thinking that if I decided to talk to him about it I would offer a better option like taking private lessons at the YMCA or something. It's not like that would be more expensive because he wants to take the class at the university where everything is overpriced.

Am I a bad person for feeling the way I do? Be honest please I just need to know. Part of me knows that I shouldn't be stressing over something so minor but a bigger part of me can't help but cave in to these insecure feelings of mine.
All of my girlfriends that I talked to said I need to make him not take the dance class, but that's just not what I feel I need to do because I don't want to be the controlling girlfriend. Should I just do nothing about it and bottle up these feelings until they go away? They will go away right? Am I crazy?

Sincerely,

Insecure Girlfriend

Dear Insecure Girlfriend,

Your girlfriends are morons. Just let him take the fucking class. Have you ever taken any kind of ballroom dance class? It’s the least sexy thing in the universe. In fact, if you’re doing it right, there should be minimal touching. You have to keep in mind that nothing (besides sex itself) is inherently sexual. Instead, people are very good at sexualizing the most trivial bullshit, like dance. It’s performance art, and presumably he’ll receive college credit for it. How would you feel if he decided to tell you what you could and couldn’t do in your spare time because it was just too inconvenient for him to come to terms with you having non-sexual contact with other guys?

If you really must be that cray about it (in which case your relationship is inevitably doomed), make it about you, not him. Like, you have to be ALL IN on ballroom dancing and frame it as though you really, really want to take a class with him. That might convince him to find another avenue.

Being chill shouldn’t require effort,

Head Pro

Dear Head Pro,

I'm emailing you because sometimes it's nice to have an outsider's opinion so I'm not going to share much background info. Also, I don't know if this has already been asked so sorry if this is repetitive. My boyfriend's email was open on my computer so I was curious and looked through it. He was messaging a girl from his class. He had deleted those messages from his inbox but were still in his sent items. The messages were only a bit flirty so I don't know why he deleted them. Probably because he has a jealous stalker girlfriend like me is what you will probably tell me.

So do I confront him or not say anything ?

Dear….,

I would only confront him if you want to no longer be dating him shortly thereafter. Maybe he deleted them because he felt like he crossed a line and didn’t want to be reminded of his cringe-worthy transgressions. Or maybe, as you suggested, he knows he has a batshit crazy creeper of a girlfriend who would cut off his balls and hang them from her rearview mirror if she caught him doing something like taking ballroom dancing lessons.

Ladies, I wish I could be more helpful as to how, but if you’re the kind of person who gets worked up over things like this, you need to get a handle on your shit. This kind of jealousy is the domain of teenagers, not grown adults. If you constantly live your life looking for ways to shoehorn infidelity into otherwise benign events, I promise you’ll be fucking miserable until you figure your shit out.

Jealous Kisses,

Head Pro

Dear Head Pro,

I've been with my boyfriend for a little over 2 years now.  I love him and we have an amazing sex life.  I just want to explore a little bit.  I have always fantasized about having threesomes (MFM and MFF) and I'm not sure how my boyfriend will react if I tell him about my fantasies.  Do you have any advice on how I should tell him?  Also, do you think this is something that will change our relationship?

Side note: I'm completely fine not acting out on my fantasies.  I just figure if he is down for them then we can do them.

Sincerely,

Fantasizing for more

Dear Fantasizing,

Well, you’d probably have better luck starting out with the MFF scenario, heh. But really, it doesn’t have to be weird or awkward. Just have a few drinks, and instead of spitting out that your greatest desire in life is to get spitroasted, ask him if HE has any fantasies. If he’s all “no, that’s weird, my only fantasy is to have sex with you and only you with the lights off and wearing as much clothing as possible,” maybe shut it down. Otherwise, if it’s a free exchange of ideas (very sexy ideas), don’t feel bad.

The only way it would change your relationship is if he’s as insecure as these two other girls. What would be funny is if the three of them ended up getting together and having their own insecure threesome.

Airtight Kisses,

Head Pro

Dear Head Pro,

Conor and I met at a "chill" when we were in grade 8. Now, we are in grade 12, and ever since then he has had a crush on me. Literally, he's wanted me since the very first day he met me. (Oh, we go to the same high school) So, throughout the years, he's tried pulling moves on me and getting me to hook up with him but I never have. At first, I was totally opposed to the idea of hooking up with him but I always thought of him as a friend. However, as you may know, a boy and girl can't be just friends, and eventually I developed feelings for him. So, at this point, I have major feelings for him, like I really like him. I don't want to tell him I like him and I don't want to pull a move on him because I'm terrified of rejection. Because I rejected John so many times in the past, he only thinks of me as a friend now so even though he still flirts with me, I think he's sick of being rejected so he won't pull a move. How do I get Conor to hook up with me without coming off as desperate?

xoxo,

When Sally decided she wants Harry

Dear Sally,

This is fascinating. Not the question, that’s kind of dumb. Just flirt back with him or invite him to hang out somewhere solo; it’s not that hard to get a teenage boy to touch your boobs. No, what’s fascinating is that we have a tale of two lovers: Conor and John. “Sally” met Conor at a “chill” four years ago, and yet out of nowhere we learn that she’s rejected John “so many times” in a timeframe we only know as “the past.” When did John come into the picture, and when did Conor leave it? The world may never know.

Actually, maybe I can help everyone out: Conor and/or John, the girl you met in eighth grade at a “chill” (what the fuck is wrong with kids these days?), the one with whom you later became infatuated, would now like you to stick your tongue in her mouth. So, go do that, or something.

You couldn’t pay me enough to go back to highschool,

Head Pro

Email me your pressing questions about life and love to [email protected]




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