September 26, 2011
Appearing down to earth and being prepared to master any situation are key to being a betch. Pretending to know about sports is a cornerstone for dealing with the opposite sex. Although we don't give a shit about sports, guys seem to. And in order to run any machine, you have to know how it works.
Extra cred if you can stomach a beer while doing any of the following: (just one beer, let's not get carried away)
Know when to jump on the #1 talking shit bandwagon: This obviously depends on where you're from, and while betches generally don't care who wins, we definitely want our state to win. After all, we're the best, so our state should be champion.
But in generic terms, suddenly everyone hates Lebron. Not sure why, but we'll take any opportunity to talk shit.
Tiger Woods fucked his wife over? Scandy.
Loving your boyfriend's favorite team and knowing his fantasy lineup: So you can hope that Aaron Rodgers gets 150 yards and he'll be in a good mood and take you out to dinner.
Be knowledgeable about sports films: Movies help betches understand sports in an entertaining way by adding in scenes about things we care about, like parties, sex, and rich people. Some notable and educational sports films include: Remember the Titans, The Blind Side, Miracle, Happy Gilmore, Bring It On...
The sports people you're allowed to know and probably should know:
- anyone who's had sex with Kim Kardashian - Hank Baskett - Derek Jeter and A-Rod - Lebron James, Dwayne Wade - Anna Kournikova and the Williams sisters - Tiger Woods - Tony Parker - Michael Jordan, Shaquille O'Neill, Kobe Bryant - Andre Agassi - Federer and Nadal - Michael Phelps - Tim Tebow - Jeremy Lin
Oh, and Michelle Kwan
Olympic sports it's acceptable to watch:
- ice skating - skiing - swimming - if you're an avid fan of Olympic curling, you're not a betch.
Knowing how scores of various sports are distinguished: It's important to understand the distinction between scoring a goal, a home run, or a touchdown. You might not be invited to the next football tailgate after you feign excitement that the quarterback just made a goal kick.
You know too much about sports if: you know more than 6 players on any given team, you DVR actual games to watch when no other male is around, and you're involved in intramural softball.
Also, side note, the NAACP is not an extension of the NCAA. It's confusing, we know.