<p>&lt;p&gt;When was the last time you thought, &amp;quot;Oh maybe I&amp;#39;ll read a book that doesn&amp;#39;t involve sex, drugs, or Lauren Conrad&amp;#39;s autobiography.&amp;quot; We bet it was back in &lt;a href=&quot;; title=&quot;99. Betchhood&quot;&gt;sixth grade&lt;/a&gt; when your mom told you that if you didn&amp;#39;t read at least one book this year, you&amp;#39;d end up working at McDonalds and wouldn&amp;#39;t be allowed to watch &lt;a href=&quot;; title=&quot;Betch of the Week: Mary-Kate Olsen&quot;&gt;So Little Time&lt;/a&gt;. If this site existed back then, you could&amp;#39;ve responded with &amp;quot;Sorry &lt;a href=&quot;; title=&quot;37. Betchy Moms&quot;&gt;mom&lt;/a&gt;, Anne of Green Gables is for fucking nice girls, I&amp;#39;m a betch.&amp;quot; &lt;img align=&quot;right&quot; alt=&quot;fake cosmo&quot; height=&quot;350&quot; src=&quot; &quot; style=&quot;margin:10px; border: thin silver solid; padding: 0.5em;&quot; width=&quot;250&quot; /&gt; Betches don&amp;#39;t read books, we read magazines. With a few exceptions like &lt;a href=&quot;; title=&quot;Betch of the Week: Chelsea&amp;nbsp;Handler&quot;&gt;Chelsea Handler&lt;/a&gt;, books are for geeks, the President, and Matilda. Oh, and they&amp;#39;re great for trading in for cash at the end of each semester for &lt;a href=&quot;; title=&quot;Betches and Bud: It�s&amp;nbsp;Complicated&quot;&gt;weed&lt;/a&gt; money.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;But since it&amp;#39;s a little mind-numbing to only read your phone and this blog all the time, sometimes it&amp;#39;s nice to hold something with actual pages. That&amp;#39;s why they invented magazines. (And the book we&amp;#39;re writing, casually.)&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;No, we&amp;#39;re not talking about National Geographic or fucking Time. The last time we were interested in reading about the demise of the Democratic party it involved cum stains and a blue dress. We&amp;#39;re talking about magazines that feature articles about &lt;a href=&quot;; title=&quot;29. Beauty and the&amp;nbsp;Betch&quot;&gt;nail polish&lt;/a&gt; and how fat Jessica Simpson is getting. Some say that these magazines provide unrealistic standards of beauty for &lt;a href=&quot;; title=&quot;63.&amp;nbsp;America&quot;&gt;America&amp;#39;s&lt;/a&gt; female youth. We say, thank God. Time to stop coddling those fatties, Obama.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;div style=&quot;width:220px; font-size:90%; text-align:center; float:left; margin:10px; border: thin silver solid; padding: 0.5em;&quot;&gt;&lt;img alt=&quot;working out pic&quot; height=&quot;370&quot; src=&quot; width=&quot;220&quot; /&gt;Magazines also provide us with inspirational quotes&lt;/div&gt;&lt;p&gt;Betches love magazines because they&amp;#39;re either about you or about celebrities. If you&amp;#39;re reading Cosmo, it&amp;#39;s &lt;a href=&quot;; title=&quot;112.&amp;nbsp;Talking About Yourself&quot;&gt;about you&lt;/a&gt;, but if you&amp;#39;re reading US Weekly it&amp;#39;s about someone almost as cool.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Magazines are great in helping you achieve those Zen moments, like when you&amp;#39;re on the &lt;a href=&quot;; title=&quot;118.&amp;nbsp;Working Out&quot;&gt;elliptical&lt;/a&gt; or getting a &lt;a href=&quot;; title=&quot;29. Beauty and the Betch&quot;&gt;pedicure&lt;/a&gt;, and you&amp;#39;ve decided to put your phone away. You can become enthralled by interesting phenomena like how Miley Cyrus is just like you because she once went in a taxi, or how the &lt;a href=&quot;; title=&quot;92. Love&amp;nbsp;Triangles&quot;&gt;#92 love triangle&lt;/a&gt; between Brangelina and Jennifer Aniston is going...still.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Why would you read about &lt;a href=&quot;; title=&quot;2. Not Keeping Up With The News&quot;&gt;the deficit or the healthcare crisis&lt;/a&gt; when you could be getting People Mag&amp;#39;s on-site therapist&amp;#39;s professional explanation of why &lt;a href=&quot;; title=&quot;Betch of the Week: Reese Witherspoon&quot;&gt;Reese&amp;#39;s&lt;/a&gt; body language showed that she was totally &lt;a href=&quot;; title=&quot;82. Being �Over&amp;nbsp;It�&quot;&gt;over&lt;/a&gt; Jake. It&amp;#39;s so obvious how that one picture of her walking two feet behind him clearly forecasted their impending demise.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;As famous author &lt;a href=&quot;; title=&quot;62. Pro&quot;&gt;Pro&lt;/a&gt; Mark Twain once said, &amp;quot;Good &lt;a href=&quot;; title=&quot;69. Besties&quot;&gt;friends&lt;/a&gt;, good &lt;a href=&quot;; title=&quot;119. magazines&quot;&gt;books&lt;/a&gt; and a &lt;a href=&quot;; title=&quot;13. Sunday Morning Regrets&quot;&gt;sleepy conscience&lt;/a&gt;: this is the ideal life.&amp;quot; We&amp;#39;re sure he meant magazines, but &lt;a href=&quot;; title=&quot;Betch of the Week: Anna Wintour&quot;&gt;Vogue&lt;/a&gt; hadn&amp;#39;t come out yet. Be fashionable, be trendy, be worldly. Read magazines.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;script type=&quot;text/javascript&quot;&gt;var switchTo5x=false;&lt;/script&gt;&lt;script type=&quot;text/javascript&quot; src=&quot;http://w.sharethis.com/button/buttons.js&quot;&gt;&lt;/script&gt;&lt;script type=&quot;text/javascript&quot;&gt;stLight.options({publisher:&#39;34947656-9870-4939-b1ba-00b5dde72e5b&#39;});&lt;/script&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;em&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;;&gt;&amp;lt;&amp;lt; #118 Working Out&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;em&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;;&gt;#120 Serial Daters &amp;gt;&amp;gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;</p>


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