Mad Men Recap: A Period Piece

By The Betches

So what happened on Mad Men? I meannnn what didn't happen? Actually, Betty's weight loss didn't, but that's about it. Sally became a woman, but not in the bar mitzvah sense. Don accuses Lane of forging his signature when ironically Don's signature is itself a forgery...a little tooooo ironic, yeah I really do think. Then Matthew Wiener made a little quip about how Jaguars suck, and a reference to the Greenbriar which is secret code for he loves our Bachelorette recaps.

Because we're clairvoyant we knew a Mad Men suicide would be much like Meg Ryan's little shop: around the fucking corner. Though we personally thought it would be Pete with the revolver in the billiard room... alas it turned out to be only guy more annoying than he, Lane. And just in time to skip the queen's jubilee!

girls recap buschwick"Don't back that thing into me. Can't believe you'd come at me guns hot." - Betty

Just because he's dead, we won't hesitate to hold this fictitious idiot to the same standards as usual. He sucks at embezzling and he really sucks at carbon monoxizing... overall extremely unsmooth criminal. Not that he's like, alive anymore but we guess he never got Hil Swank's memo that boys don't cry, or the PSA that people won't like you if you continue to pronounce jaguar like you're the creep from Eurotrip. Excusee excusee.


Ugh so at the end of all this we kind of feel bad for all the horrible things we've said about Lane, and we're sorry for repeating them now. We can't believe they showed him hanging on cable TV, but actually more surprised that ceiling held up. That shit was disturbia, it's like the darkness is alive, disturbia. Poor Miss Honey, first Miss Trunchbull kills her dad, now this.

By the time the episode ended so many things had gone down that we forgot to pretend to care about Megan's molars and completely forgot what a raging asshole Betty was in the beginning. It's like, sorry you're starving, bitch.

girls recap buschwickHow we felt during Lane's sui


Aside from that, we can't wait to watch more of Joan in her new role as the shit. And Glen, if you could do anything, it would be drive back to school? Fine, drive, but like why not to a strip club or a visit to the Art of Shaving? Live a little.

OH two questions. Who the fuck does the Pegginator think she is sitting this episode out... And what is Dish Network?

Sally's Quotes of the Night

"You have a mustache...I don't like it."

"We don't go across the park, there's bums on the other side"

Sorry Glen, I was surfing the crimson wave. Had to haul ass to the ladies.

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