November 29, 2011
The last day of November is upon us and TG it's the end to one of the least betchy months of the year. We have the fat inducing smorgasboard of Thanksgiving, tests, finals, and work finally starting to catch up with betches across the nations, and one of the most stupid movements in history: Movember.
Now, for those of you who haven't heard about this, Movember is a month long event promoting men's health awareness and urging bros all over the world to look like shit. The idea is that they start off clean shaven and spend the entire month growing a disgusting mustache. I mean seriously, this is the reward betches get for putting on the hottest fashion show of the year for you pros to jerk off to? Vom.
Movember encourages guys to do things like eat healthy, drink alcohol in moderation, and manage stress. If we wanted to be with guys who were stress free and didn't drink we'd date poor stoners or nerds that work at the genius bar. Also, not to be #21 abbrev for facial hair growth month. Fucking idiots, it should have been Novembeard. Even No Shave November has bros looking more like hipster freaks than pedophiles circa 1978.
So, in honor of the upcoming Decembetch, the betchiest month of the year and a topic that will be discussed in more depth soon, we're taking a stance against guys who think they can, in the words of Cher Horowitz "look like they just fell out of bed and put on some baggy pants and take their greasy hair - ew - and cover it up with a backwards cap". And like, we're expected to swoon? I don't think so. Next Movember, if your boyfriend insists on celebrating this dirty event, let him know that if you wanted to fuck Pedro Sanchez, you would've agreed to watch Napoleon Dynamite with him.