Real World Roundup: We Get High With a Little Help From Obama

By The Betches

Hilary Doof’s 2 week old baby is actually really fucking cute. He kind of looks like Hilary. In other news, we had no idea Hilary even gave birth. Must’ve been blacked out that day. Read article

Girls just as likely to drive like fucking idiots as guys are. No wonder, betchiness is taking over. Read article


hilary duff baby


Bad news for fatties, the price of Vanilla ice cream is about to skyrocket. Time to switch to chocolate to go along with your Saturday night's eating pints of Ben and Jerry's and crying yourself to sleep. Read article

It's time to start throwing yourself in front of moving cabs, because there's a chance Ryan Gosling will touch you. Read article

Ashton Kutcher will portray Steve Jobs in some indie film no one will probably see. Whatevs, we hope it includes a preview of the iPhone 5 followed by the notion that Steve was just punking us. Read article

This woman writes about how hard it is to be pretty. I mean, she can't even smile, she's totally not pretty enough that other women hate her for being pretty. But anyway her name is Samantha and she has sex with everybody..who wants to have sex with her...which is everybody…which is probably why everyone hates her. Read article


Samantha BrickSooo hot, want to touch the hiney


Attention Abroad Fatties, lose weight or charter your dad’s private jet. Our least favorite airline, RyanAir has decided to cut costs by encouraging their cabin crew to lose weight, cutting down on ice, and promoting a tax on fat passengers. We’re all for having fat passengers on the plane as long as we don’t have to sit next to them. I mean, it’s Ryanair the plane has like a 50% chance of crashing anyway and we’re going to need some flotation devices. But really, RyanAir, what’s next? Killing your poorest passnegers and then throwing them off the plane mid-flight to save fuel costs? I mean, okay fine. Read article

Mike Ryan of the Huffington Post loves #147 Titanic and he doesn’t care who knows it! This nice guy has no shame to admit to the American public that he cries EVERY SINGLE TIME HE WATCHES TITANIC. Somehow this guy is also straight. Mike says, “The second time I saw Titanic, I was too embarrassed to tell my then-girlfriend that I was crying during a scene that I had already seen knew was coming. I lied. I pretended that this had been the first time I had seen Titanic. On my three subsequent viewings after that, I did the exact same thing and, each time, used my new, 'Wow, I sure didn't see such an emotional scene coming,' excuse.” If this were our boyfriend, we’d leave him faster than a premature ejaculator. Mike Ryan, it’s time to grow some balls. Read article

Leave Mary Jane alone!! Lawmakers from both sides of the political spectrum band together to keep the feds off our medical marijuana. TG Obama appreciates a good high. Read article

Google’s fugly new computer glasses ensure that it’s virtually impossible to give a shit about anything other than the internet. Note to bros: no one is going to want to fuck you while you’re wearing your specks that allow you to simultaneously check Read article





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