Revenge Recap: Boozin' and Bow Ties

By The Betches

So Revenge took a step back from the excitement of last week’s episode as there was way too much talking going on to keep us entertained for longer than five minutes. However, the return of the red sharpie gave us hope for a brighter tomorrow and the revelation (that we totally called) of Charlotte being Vic and David Clarke’s love child hopes to spice things up in weeks to come. We look forward to the Clarke sisters taking some double dates with the Porter boys a la The OC.

On a different note, who the fuck ever understands one word that Emanda says during her narrative? Whatever, we liked the statement this episode made that if you mess with a betch she will burn your fucking house down and somehow look hotter after doing so. We also enjoyed the throwback references. Like when Vic gave Mason some prized advice she learned after watching Meet the Parents, "You see Focker, this is the circle of trust, do you want to be in it?" Yeah, we kind of do.

revengeThat's how we do things in cell block D

Call Outs


Emanda and Daniel are like Barbie and Ken...if Ken had an Oedipus complex and Barbie had a very vast vocabulary.

THERE WERE NO BULLETS IN THE GUN!? Really Tyler? Are they joking? This further proves that gingers can't do anything.

I’m sorry but who the fuck would actually come to a book reading of Mason's personal memoirs just because he wrote a book about some terrorist 20 years ago. That's right, no one. No one would give a shit.

Also, why would Victoria host this? Why would she surround herself with so much David Clarke baggage? Like if I'm Casey Anthony am I signing up to hold a child wellness seminar? Probs not.

The scene in Vic's "boudoir" was so sexual I swear Daniel was one grasp away from going to 2nd base with mommy.

"People are fond of saying that you can't unring a bell." Um what people?

On Mason's house burning down from a cigarette - What year is this? 1982? Any idiot can tell you that cigarettes are all fire safe and you can’t burn a house down with one...we think.

Chill with the lesbian make out sessions. These are the Hamptons fake Amanda, not your former strip club or like, Queens.

These actors are just too good, whenever they're told they have to make an emotion they just blink slowly.

revengeI'd like to thank my bow tie

LOL Moments


When Charlotte finds EVW "studying" Paradise Lost because that’s what she needs to read for school - If I saw a guy trying to read a book I was supposed to read for school to better "fit into my world" I would break the fuck up with him. What a floser.

"I envy your ability to be a slut free spirit. I especially enjoy your bra showing through your shirt." Poor people are so cute with their fishbowls filled with money and their trips to the Ugly People's Vegas aka Atlantic City.

On Mason’s bow ties - was there a "flamboyant douche' sale at Brooks Brothers?

The music playing during Mason's gay breakdown after watching his house burn down was was watching him spaz violently as if he was Jan Brady.





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