142. Stoppp, I can't

By The Betches

Imagine your bestie says to you, "Omg, I didn't tell you!" Your ears immediately perk up because you know you're about to hear some seriously interesting gossip. Which one of your friends hooked up with someone scandalous? Did someone get cheated on? Who'd you see from HS who's now a heffer? Tell me Giggy retweeted you! The overwhelming feeling of excitement floods your brain so fast that it fools your body into thinking you're not hungry. Then she tells you ___________. And all you can say is, Stttttooppppp, I can't.

How many times have you heard these words come out of your and all your friends' mouths? It's probably more than you've checked your phone today, or talked shit about Anne Hathaway in the past week. "Stop I can't" is one of those phrases that says so much by saying so little, or at times, it says so much but means so very little.

Let's break it down:


stop i cant

Like with any of our sayings, Stop I can't has multiple definitions. Sure you can use "Stop I can't" when feeling excited, but it's also the best way to answer when you weren't fucking listening.

Omgggg bla bla bla, and bla bla, can you believe it?? STOPPPP..I CAN'T

Your friend could have told you that she realized she's a lesbian or that her mother is holding her Bloomingdales card hostage, but it wouldn't matter, because you weren't paying attention. But if you say Stoppp I can't, she won't know the difference and you can go on your merry way texting, and thinking your friend is straight.


stop i cantDid you hear about Snow's coke problem? Stoppp, I can't


This phrase is also a great way to react to something neutrally. Say someone tells you they found out that this guy you secretly want to hook up with has the herp. You're disgusted but shadily kind of pissed off. Obviously, you can't show these mixed feelings. Slap on a Stopppp I can't and you can completely forget about that weird time you had a crush on a guy with an STD.

Sometimes you'd say Stop I can't if you literally can't handle something. Like your BBB won't stop following you around the bar or when you get to the gym and the scene is like, ridic. Omg our coke dealer is going hard on the Arc right now...STOPPP I cannnn't. The situation is too much, and you need to GTFO.

The true advantage of using this phrase is that it is the most efficient way to emote without risking early-onset wrinkles or putting stress your vocal chords. I mean, everyone hates that girl who shrieks, like a fucking Belieber, at the slightest bit of interesting information. With Stop I can't, you're able to remain calm, not finish your sentence, and not get yelled at for not paying attention to what anyone is saying. Plus, who wants to scream soberly when everyone knows you should rest your voice so people can hear you from across the bar later tonight. You think Adele bruised her vocal chords because she was belting Someone Like You just a bit too often? Nah, it' s because her friend told her that her ex fucked Xtina Aguilera and she couldn't help but scream, "NO WAY - THAT FAT ASS BITCH!?" When all she really had to say was, Stopppp I can't.


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