66. The UGH | Betches

66. The UGH

By The Betches

Throughout our posts, we’ve discussed many different types of besties. From the #7 BSCB to the #48 Dud, it seems like everyone has their role within our group. But what happens, you may ask, when a top betch suddenly changes? What if someone who used to be fun suddenly morphs into a lame, shittier version of herself who suddenly cares about things like her health and doing work? Betches, we all know that girl. Now she's more boring than a first date with a poor guy, but we all remember the days when she Used to Go Hard (UGH).

The UGH is the one who did the 180, who you barely even recognize anymore, who pretty much fucking sucks, which is a shame, because she had soooo much potential.

The UGH is the girl you used to be besties with, who used to rage as hard as the rest of you, used to insist that she get the bong first, dance on tables, and to not give a shit what anyone thought of her. She used to be a top betch. So what happened?

Ninety percent of the time, this betch got a boyfriend. The other ten percent of the time she’s either just gotten out of rehab or became like super spiritual or some shit.


happy coupleThe UGH used to love doing white, now she just decorates with it


Now it's almost like she died but not really.

So how does one slip into this oblivion of anti-betchdom?

The UGH usually manifests slowly in a non-obvious way. It starts subtly, with her coming to #23 pregames but not drinking, or studying on a Friday. Before you know it, you've turned around and she's subscribed to theknot.com and you find out her boyfriend only thinks that she's had sex with two guys! Gone are the days of her snorting crushed up Xanax and Vicodin on a Tuesday. Suddenly the only thing she's crushing are tomatoes for the Saturday night dinner she's made her boyfriend.

This girl is in betchy limbo. Her subconscious wants her to rage and remembers what it was like to actually have fun, but this is masked with a cover that she’d like to “grow up.” When we were #1 talking shit to our psychologist about her, he said this just comes from the fear that she’ll die alone. Loser.

Now, betches are not anti-relationships. We know that any true betch will maintain her betchy essence with or without a boyfriend. We're not saying that you have to turn into an UGH if you have a boyfriend; we're just saying that it happens. Sometimes we might even encourage a member of our bestie group to become an UGH. When the Dud becomes the UGH, we're happy that someone has finally taken the burden away of having to hang out with her and we welcome the extra couch space.


happy coupleMid-UGH transformation... Sign 1: Wearing glasses out


When you find that your BFF has taken a turn for the worse and transformed into a frightening, fun sucking UGH, it can be sad but it’s best to let that shit run its course. As a betch, it will be easy to find her replacement and there will be dozens of others who are thrilled and itching to take her spot. The only issue now is whether or not you let the UGH back in your group when her boyfriend inevitably dumps her and she’s nothing but a washed up wannabe betch.

Stay true to your inner betch and never let any guy take that away from you, no matter how many fancy dinners he takes you on or how many Chanel bags his mom gives you for graduation. The last thing you want people saying is that you used to be cool, and now you're just... ugh.



#67 Curb Your Enthusiasm >>




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