January 1, 2015
Dear Everyone Who’s On Vacation Now,
How’s the weather where you are? Don’t answer that. I already know because you’ve snap storied the temperature seven times in the last three days. Whether you’re on the beach or skiing, I really don’t need the constant weather updates. If I cared at all about the temperature in Belize right now (I don’t), I could fucking google it myself. And guess what? It’s cold here! But you wouldn’t know that from my snapchat, you’d know it because it’s winter and God gave you common sense. Also I don’t find it that impressive that it’s cold on the top of a mountain in Colorado, because like duh, it’s the top of a mountain in fucking Colorado. Find something more interesting to tell me.
I really don’t have a problem with people on vacation right now, I mean I would basically give anything to be zip lining through Costa Rica, but I don’t need to see it documented all over every form of social media. It’s great that daddy paid for the extra data, but spare me the fourth sunset photo from the exact same spot on the beach. I promise you, the mountain at your ski resort still looks the same as it did an hour ago, and it probably hasn’t even changed since yesterday, or the day before! If you have more than one snap story of you going up the ski lift, you are misusing your vacation time. Tbh snap stories are kind of a waste of time because you can’t even get likes.
I know people will say I’m jealous, and I swear I’m not. I just don’t need to see an insta every damn time you have a drink in Mexico. Idk if you’ve thought about this, but that’s going to be like 40 separate instas. Besides, how can I be jealous when I’m just as capable of drinking tequila here as you are in St. Thomas. I’m happy to like a really great foodstagram, or even the occasional basic beach selfie, but I just have no interest in knowing about every time you eat a meal/take a shit/breathe. Cool it.
All this shit annoys me, but the worst part are girls who complain once they get back to real life. We all know that it’s colder in New York in January than in Punta Cana, so fucking get over it. We didn’t stay here and work while you got tan just so we could listen to you bitch and moan once you got back.
With all of this in mind, enjoy the rest of your vacations, but you better not have a fucking 100 second snap story of fireworks from last night. That shit isn’t cute, no matter where you are.
Cold and Tired