March 27, 2015
Dear Directioners, Beliebers, Smilers, Barbz, and Katycats,
Stop whatever you are doing and ask yourself these questions:
If you answered yes to one or more of these questions, you are probably in need of a serious reality check. There is nothing wrong with being a fan, but you have crossed a firm line on the way to batshitville. Lucky for you, I'm here to help.
Want to know a fun fact about Rihanna's Instagram? Rihanna has 16 million fucking followers on Instagram. I'm sure she loves her fans, but there is statistically like a .00001% chance that she will see your comments on her photos. This doesn't mean she hates you, it just means she's a real fucking person who doesn't spend her whole day reading spam comments. Sorry bout it.
Twitter has also been grossly misused. Retweeting one too many tweets from your favorite celebrity is annoying, but when you tweet at them 30 times a day and reply to everything they say, you need to deactivate your fucking account. One Direction only has four members now, so they definitely don't have time to get to all your tweets. Do what Zayn would do and get off Twitter and go smoke some weed.
Another awful thing is all you angry fans whose only goal in life is to "destroy the haters." You losers seemingly spend most of your free time going through hundreds of comments on YouTube videos of Katy Perry and responding to any comment that criticizes anything about her. These replies typically look something like this: "HOW DARE YOU INSULT PERFECT FLAWLESS SELENA U R PROBABLY SO UGLY U SHOULD WEAR A MASK." The grammar is absolutely never correct, and all-caps are usually preferred. Internet comments are pretty much the dumbest thing ever in the first place, but Internet comment replies might be even dumber.
Possibly the area of worst offense is the concert. This is partially because it's where you psycho fans come into direct contact with normal humans and betches. Let me outline all your heinous behavior:
None of these things are okay, and you are probably ruining friendships over an obsession that will seem stupid in like a year. Now please get off the YouTube comments section and go make some real friends.
Casual Music Listener (Normal Betch)