December 3, 2014
Dear People Who Hashtag #nomakeup
For the love of bros in khakis, please stop posting pictures with the caption #nomakeup. First of all, even if you really did “woke up like this”, what makes you think people care? Also, we fucking know how makeup works, thanks. It’s not the fact that you’re not wearing makeup we have a problem with, it’s that you have to fucking announce it to the world.
The girl that post pictures of herself with this hashtag is just seeking desperate validation. Like, sorry, we’re not a parking lot in Westwood, we’re not going to validate your sorry sadness. Also, we know you’re wearing tinted moisturizer and gloss, we’re not idiots.
The boys that respond to these traps with comments like “gorgeous” and “you look better without it!” are the same ones that believe it when a girl tells them he has the biggest dick she's ever seen. If she really looked better without it, why do you think she is posting a picture of her face instead of showing you in person? Think about it. Posting a picture with #nomakeup is like announcing to the world what a rare event it is that you look this good without makeup. It’s like if you always get free shit from a coffee shop you wouldn’t post a pic of your coffee every day, but if one time you got a free cup, you’d blast it all over social media. So by using #nomakeup, we know this is like your best skin day of the last 5 years. Sucks to suck.
Also, since when did it become a crime to like wearing makeup? Like, it was invented for a reason: to make pretty people prettier. It’s not like uggos can really do much with it if they’re not already graced with symmetrical features. Like, even if I’ve only seen you covered in eyeliner and mascara, I can still guess what your face looks like. You should be using the hashtag #lookatmymakeup not #nomakeup. You put in absolutely zero work and you expect us to reward you? Cool, you took a shower and washed your face. Stop instagramming and put your clothes on.
It’s not really a compliment if people are telling you that you look better without makeup. It probably just means you’re not good at putting on makeup. If you’re spending money and time on products and you still look worse? You’re doing something wrong.
So, unless you are Sephora trying to show how disgusting a before makeup face looks like in order to like sell your makeup in the after picture, this hashtag is off limits. It’s a pathetic attempt to fish for compliments, and betches are not desperate.