Album Review: Madonna's Rebel Heart

By 50 Shades Of Betch

People love to make fun of Madonna, but anyone who's been successful for as long as her must be there for a reason. Madonna's key to success has been her timeless ability to reinvent herself to stay current while still remaining faithful to why people love her: she's a force in pop music, and she's always been on the cutting edge. Of course, some of Madonna's more recent music (see: all of MDNA) has come across as a desperate attempt to stay relevant, but on Rebel Heart we get more of old-school Madonna, but with just the right amount of 2015 flair. 

You might remember that the album got leaked a couple months ago, and Madonna responded by releasing the first nine songs early. That's basically like letting people watch the first half of The Bachelor a month before it comes out, but making them wait to find out how it ends. Except less cruel. Turns out, most of the best songs on the album were in those first nine, and there are some instant Madonna classics.

"Living For Love," which she performed at the Grammys, is everything a Madonna fan could want, with a booming chorus that makes me want to delete Tinder and actually find love. Ew. "Bitch I'm Madonna," which features Nicki Minaj, would be a highlight just for the title, but it has a great beat and is one of Madonna's best dance tracks in a decade. Other highlights are "Unapologetic Bitch" and "Holy Water," where she talks about how much Yeezus loves her pussy. Everyone knows that she's a little bit ridiculous, and the religious vagina jokes are exactly what we want to see from a Madonna album.

It's unclear whether Madonna will ever retire from singing/dancing/being the Queen of Pop, but if she keeps making music like this, we kind of don't want her to. She's still one of the betchiest queens around, and her arms look pretty fucking amazing too.




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