March 12, 2015
RED ALERT: Powdered Alcohol is now legal in the United States. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. Last year, the Alcohol and Tobacco Trade Bureau banned it because they didn't know what the ingredients were, but now they've decided that it can be sold under usual liquor laws - so you'll still need a fake to buy it. The federal government still has to approve this change, but I'm pretty sure they have more important things to worry about (see: ISIS).
It's called "Palcohol," which I'm sure will be shortened to Palc after a couple drinks. Basically you just buy a palcohol pack - Vodka, Rum, Cosmopolitan, Margarita, or Lemon Drop - and pour it into some water. Depending on what degree of blackout you want to get, you can choose how much water to use. The most incredible part: Palcohol has the same alcohol content as usual liquor.
The whole thing is a huge scientific breakthrough: It's the Crystal Light version of alcohol and perfect for sneaking into concerts, bars, class, work, family events (etc). Get ready to buy this shit in bulk betches.