September 18, 2012
Can we just say, holy shit we love Amanda Bynes. Since yesterday's installment of Amanda Watch, Mandy has been seen doing even more ridiculous shit. The first being making a visit to the airport for no apparent reason. Here's what happened: she was parked in a no parking zone, told the cop she was waiting for a flight, was told to leave, left but stayed in the general area, then did extremely slow donuts in a parking lot.... and then she left the airport. When I was first reading this article I think I peed a little imagining what it had been like for an innocent airport employee watching this go down. Like Amanda, what are you doing?
Was she so high that she convinced herself she had a flight to make? Was she waiting for someone? Actually the latter makes more sense but who could she have been waiting for that can't get a fucking car service? I mean like this one time I was so stoned that I sat through three cycles of green yellow and red at a traffic light so perhaps it was that kind of situation. But wait, the best part of it all was that an hour after she left the airport (after doing her rounds in the parking lot) she got pulled over for some traffic violation. Can someone throw this girl a fucking chauffeur I mean really.
But the fun doesn't end there. It's now been reported that Amanda went shopping yesterday and locked herself in a dressing room for two hours and refused to come out. The sales girl apparently heard a lot of banging going on inside the room. Honestly, I CAN'T. For some reason I just keep picturing her like violently throwing herself into the walls, legs and arms flailing as if independent from her body, like she's Edward Norton in Fight Club.
I would completely understand if Amanda was trying to shoplift, it's trendy among the psychocelebs, but she even failed at that because after she was done banging her head against the mirror she bought a pair of heels, sunglasses, and the bathing suit that she forgot was under her clothes. Imagine if the whole time while she was in the changing room she was really just battling with her other personality about whether or not she should steal the swim suit. Must have been quite the heated debate because it lasted the same amount of time as a full length movie or like, an actual debate.
I have a theory that she's perpetually stuck in the Amanda Show and can't get the voices out of her head. Take a minute to step into her shoes. Picture yourself chilling at home until suddenly you smell smoke and think you're apartment's on fire and the first thought that runs through your mind is, "Knock knock. Who's there? Fire extinguisher. Fire extinguisher who? I'm gonna hit you on the head with this fucking fire extinguisher!" Life doesn't seem so easy does it? Or what if you're walking down the street and someone asks you for directions and the only thing that blurts out of your mouth is MAH-HAH!